thank you for coming

    Saturday, we invited just about everyone we know to come and see us.  It was a small way to say thank you to everyone who was there for us.  We (the kids, Jarrad and I) had a great time and I think all of our guests did too.
     Jarrad always loves having folks over.  For me, it is stressful because I worry about cleaning and what folks will "think".  It is hard to adjust because I certainly don't think about clutter on someone else's counter so why do I think that they would care about mine?  I am learning.  At least I don't scrub the base boards anymore . . .

So old picture - but the little one is to whom I am referring. 

     It was an open house so that folks could come and go.  The majority came and didn't go.  That is great.  I love the fact that everyone can come and talk to everyone else.  I happened to look out the door at one point and saw a childhood friend coming up the driveway.  She is my "oldest" friend.  I have known her since kindergarten and have known her husband just as long.  He daughter was my flower girl.  I helped her husband propose to her (it was a lot of fun to have that secret!).  She and her family drove 7 hours to spend 3 with us.
     I am starting to cry just thinking about it.
     (ok, I just cry a lot lately).
     One of the things that I tell my "northerner" and "southerner" friends is "Oh, you would really like so and so."  And I got  the chance to introduce folks.
     Yeah!  
     And they liked each other!
     Yeah! 
     And it is over!
     Yeah! 
     But if you missed it, we would still love to see you.  Maybe you will be lucky enough to see the finished bathroom. 
     Maybe, it will be finished this year. 
     Maybe.
     Hopefully. 
     Sigh.

Thanksgiving

    Happy Thanksgiving.
    Growing up, my mom always had us share something for which we were thankful. I always hated (and dreaded) sharing because everything I shared, everything that I thought of sharing, always seemed so shallow.  Aren't we supposed to be thankful for something on the magnitude of that of the Pilgrims and their feast?  (For an interesting look on the history of this National holiday which also includes a commercialism aspect, look at this site http://www.scholastic.com/scholastic_thanksgiving/feast/)
   This year, we woke at 7:45 to children's laughter.  Apparently, at some point in the night (after Sam got in bed with us), Sam crawled into bed with Emma.  Breakfast was doughnuts and eggs, coffee and milk and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.  Stuffing the turkey and putting it in the oven for a 3 o'clock meal.  A good morning.  Relaxing, enjoyable.
    So why do I feel like crying?
    Maybe because this year, I get it. 
    I finally have something to be thankful for on that magnitude.  I finally understand why they chose to give thanks.  And a part of me desperately wishes that I still lived in uncomfortable ignorance.
   This holiday, is in essence, about celebrating survival. 
   I have been sitting here, trying to put into words what I mean.  Words do not express emotions.  We try; that is why we have poetry.  Words try but there is nothing that adequately describes when you reach that point where you have to pull from somewhere outside of you just to make it for one more day.  Nothing describes when you feel immense guilt and relief that that person next to you is not you.  Raw determination.  Laughter that shocks your senses because you shouldn't laugh now.  Joy at a normal day.
     I think about the Pilgrims being scared and determined but not having much of a choice.  I think of who and what they lost.  I think of their faith.
    We will celebrate.  We will survive and with God's help, we will thrive.
    Today, I will give thanks for today, for surviving.  Tomorrow is what it will be, but I can be grateful for today.  And that will help me with tomorrow. 
   

and yet

     Yesterday, I went to the park with the kids for half an hour.  We had to get Jarrad some medicine and a friend texted as we were walking out the door saying she was at the park.  We went to CVS where I fully expected to pay a min. of 150 for Jarrad's meds but apparently insurance decided to pay for it and we only had the 10.00 co pay!  YEAH!
     Anyway, we get to the park and chat.  K says that Jarrad is looking great.  She saw him not long after he got home and saw him again on Halloween, she could tell that there was a difference.
     I guess that there is.  No, I know that there is.  The Chair has become a part of our life.  It is just there. It takes a little longer to do stuff but Jarrad is getting stronger so it takes less time than it did even a week ago.
    And this week, he said "yet".  A 3 letter word that marks a strong emotional and mental difference.  Before, he would become frustrated with what he perceived that he couldn't do and that is where he stopped. This week, he said yet.  I can't do it.  I can't do it yet.  One is final and one is temporary. 
     Poor Jarrad.  Even when we fight, I fight about his word choice.  So when he said "yet", I did a victory dance.  It involves me bouncing around in a circle pumping my fists.  This was in my head, I hadn't had my coffee yet. 
     Don't get me wrong, I know that there is some stuff that is just not going to be worth the trouble it would take to do it but the thing is, we COULD if we wanted to.  
     I am so proud of him.

don't feel so good

    I feel blah.  My stomach is rumbly.  I have no motivation.  It sucks.  I just want to crawl in bed and not even sleep just lay there. 
    Can Sam just watch cartoons all day while I check out? 
    Blah.  No, I have to be "responsible" and try to do something around here on my check list.

1.  Paint the wall where dad installed a light switch for the exterior (he is coming next week, better get it done.)
2.  Go to CVS and get meds for Jarrad
3.  Post office
4.  Clean the kids bathroom because apparently they had a toothpaste fight. 
5.  Dishes - the never ending pile of dishes.  I need a new dog. 
6.  Make beds.
7.  Mulch. 
8.  Apply what I am calling rumble strips to ramp so Jarrad doesn't go skating down the ramp like he did on Wednesday.  That was kind of scary as I grabbed him and he dragged me along. 
9.  Go through all the papers on the desk and green counter
10.  Move things to garage and under house. 
11.  Work on dinner. 
     Blah!  I am going to lay down for a bit and hope I feel better when Charlie and Lola is over. 
 

celebrate thanks

second week in ICU

    My blog has been about our adjusting to this new life.  It didn't start out that way.  It was supposed to be about my "minivandals" and mini van life.  It still is but with a new "feature".

    Life sometimes takes a detour that we never would have anticipated.  I am so glad that we aren't driving alone.

right before we left for PA

    We have been and still are so blessed.  If I were a better person, I would personally hand write thank you's to each and every person but I am a very tired person.  My desk is covered with papers and Jarrad and I went through 3 boxes (size of laundry baskets) last night of paperwork.  We have one big box left.  (I keep hoping it will disappear but I think it is still going to be here tonight.  Sigh.) It sounds like an excuse but I know that most of you are nodding your heads in understanding.  Most of you are saying things like we don't expect anything; what we did we did out of love.  Love for us, love for those who love us and love for God. 
    Still, I, we, owe you all so much.  The least I can do is try to say thank you, even if it is just in a blog or mass email. 

    Because of you, Jarrad is alive.  He is doing well.  He is healthy. 
    Because of you, we were fed.
    Because of you, we had gas.
    Because of you, we were able to go to a rehab that best suited our needs.

October

    Because of you, we were able to renovate our home so that he could come home.
    Because of you, we HAD a home to come home to.

new chair

     We learned so much in rehab.  The least of which was how to dress and move.  We learned that too often, folks are abandoned by their "friends" and even their family.  We learned that we were lucky because we gained even more friends.  We learned that some folks hadn't given any thought to their home.  We had all of you who did.  We learned that to give up and sink into depression is a cost we weren't willing to pay.  YOU inspired us to keep going.  How could we stop when we had so many cheerleaders? 

    So THANK YOU.  Thank you for your prayers, your cards.  Thank you for your encouragement.  Thank you for your love.  Thank you for your continued encouragement. 
     We would love to thank you in person.  We would love to show you the beautiful (ok, it is only half completed) bathroom that you made possible for us.  The ramp that allows Jarrad to come in and out.  We would like to invite you to our open house on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, the 24th from 1-5 to thank you in person.  Please, drop by if you can. 

and assumptions

     Happy Veteran's Day.
     I have the privilege of having 2 grandfathers, an uncle, 2 cousins and a cousin's husband  and a father in law who have served as well as 2 friends.  To them, I say thank you.
     At Church yesterday, our pastor (himself a vet) preached a sermon that spoke of human service and Christ's service.  One of the things I like about our church is that the pastor takes scripture and makes it very relate able to us today - as it is and should be.  He talked about John 15:13: "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."  Yes, our troops sign up to protect us and our ideals but in the thick of it, they are fighting to survive and fighting to protect those who are right there with them; something that they learn in training. He connected that scripture to that idea.  It makes it very poignant and creates a very real picture.
     Those in church who served were asked to stand so that they could be recognized for their service.  Afterwards, a man came up and patted Jarrad on the shoulder and thanked him for his service.  
    Insert pained smile here.  Jarrad said it wasn't the first time that this happened to him, either.
    This is what goes through my head.  1.  If it were a stranger, might it be ok to just say thank you on behalf of all service men and women?  No, not really.  That would be dishonest and might do a disservice to those who served (although, from the few vets I know, I don't think that they would mind).  2.  How sad it is that so many of our service men and women are coming home with lost limbs and as paraplegics that the assumptions are that you were in the military. 
    Jarrad says he answers with a "Thank you but I did not serve our country.  I just know the value of a good hair cut."  He says that the person usually laughs and walks away.  I think that is a good way to handle what could be a awkward situation.  
    So to all vets, thank you for your service.  Thank you for sacrificing time and sometimes your body.  
     Thank you.    

on the other side of the desk

     Yesterday, we had our first parent/teacher conference. Well, it was for Jarrad and Emma.  For me, it was my first time on the other side of the desk. 
    When I taught, we always met in the science teacher's classroom for conferences.  We never had individual ones. Maybe it would take too long.  The teachers met as a group to "protect" each other.  See, parents can be mean if they think that their cub is being threatened.  And isn't that sad?
     Anyway, I would come with my armor: my gradebook, copies of the signed progress reports that I sent every 2 weeks.  See, I learned that if I kept parents informed of grades, there really wasn't a reason to attack me.  Again, very, very sad. 
     As Emma grew older and we started talking about schools, folks would always ask, why aren't you going to homeschool?  Here are my reasons:
1.  I know my self.
      a. There is a reason why I chose secondary education.  My mom taught first and second grade.  She       was an AWESOME teacher and she loved it.  When I was in high school, I had the opportunity (one I think EVERY high schooler should have) of shadowing a professional.  I was an aid in her class and the kindergarten class.  I learned something very important:  I did not like it.  Listening to the kids sound out the words would have caused me to bang my head against the table.  So, no thank you.
     b.  I would not be able to concentrate unless I had a separate room to homeschool.  I would be distracted by household chores.
2.  I know my child.  She is just like me.  See 1.b for further reasoning. 
3.  I do think that this is part of parenting.  I want to protect my child and part of that is sending them out to learn in a safe environment.
     "Wait!  Schools aren't safe!  What are you talking about?  What about XYZ???"  You are right, not ALL school are safe.  But my home is.  And my child is coming home.  We talk about her day and right and wrong.  She needs to learn to make decisions and figure out where she stands. 
    Too often, I would have a middle schooler's parents say to me, "My child wouldn't do that."  Yes.  The child you know wouldn't.  But this child has a chance to figure out who they are and where they are going to draw his or her own moral line in the sand if you will.  School and going home to people who love you and will help you think about your decisions and reprimand you or praise you IS a safe place.  There are lessons that I absolutely cannot teach her.   But I can be there to pick her up if she falls. 
    And kids need to fall.  They need to fail as much as they need to win. 
4.  Children need to learn to respect other adults.  I hate the fact that I dreaded parent teacher night.  Parents would attack teachers.  I was accused to shaking a 5 foot 8, muscled 14 year old boy.  This kid was big.  I didn't and there was another teacher who backed me up.  That didn't stop the attack though. 
     When I taught, I always told my kids that I didn't care if they liked me or not.  But they would respect me if only for my position.  "Well, if you don't respect me . . .". WRONG!  I don't have to respect you (according to your connotation).  You have done nothing to earn it.  I have by reason of my education. That shocked quite a few kids when I explained it to them.  Oddly, I think that they appreciated the distinction.
    Emma and Sam will and are learning that there is such a thing as obligatory respect.  Hmmm, I wonder if a few adults need to learn this in light of this week.  (ZING!  Can't help myself.   I am SOOO tired of all the posts!  If you don't like it, get off your butt and on your knees or out the door and do something about it but STOP RUNNING YOUR MOUTH!)
    5. Jarrad and I have added another partner to our parenting.  Our parents, siblings and close friends are all partners.  Our church is our partner.  As cliche as it is, it does take a village to raise a child.  And you get to choose the village.  You also get to choose how you react to that village.  See reason #4. 
     This is a long post.  I could go into more depth but it would be even longer.  The point is, I AM teaching my child.  I am parenting my child.  And because of that, I can say, that our meeting went really well.  Emma is doing wonderfully in school.  She is going to be in the higher reading group and her teacher says that in the last 9 weeks, Emma has blown her away with how much she has grown. 
     Emma's teacher is awesome.  She is doing a great job but so are we. 

don't really have a title

     When I was pregnant with Sam, I prayed that God would provide a friend for him.  A best friend like Emma had with her BFF.  He answered that prayer and provided a friend for me as well.  Another example of how He knows what we need before we do. 
     So when my good friend asked me if things are getting easier, I didn't give the answer that I would to  anyone else.  I gave the messed up, complex answer that doesn't make any sense. I gave the honest answer. 
     Because when you have a good friend, they deserve your honesty.  You deserve your honesty.  We all need to have someone safe that we can go to for advice or solace or just a  chance to vent.  We all need someone who is willing to be honest with us.  Someone who thinks that we are worth the risk. 
     Emma will ask me who my best friend is.  I always answer the same - Daddy (hers, not mine).  She rolls her eyes.  The last time she asked, before I could answer, she said, "Don't say Daddy!"  What we are trying to tell her (and Sam) is that whomever you marry does need to be your best friend. 
     Jarrad thought I was worth the risk.
     So did others.  
     I heard once that as an adult if you can count your friends on one hand - good friends - you are wealthy. 
     I am a biljilonaire.