The ugly word

     A couple of weeks ago, as I was getting my brood ready for church, there was a knock on the door.  A small boy stood on the porch. Spotless white shirt and a tie just a little too big and just a little crooked.  He looked a me and glanced back at his dad who gave him a nod and asked me if I believed the answers to the universe could be found in philosophy, nature or religion.  I bit back my answer that I did not believe that they were mutually exclusive because I was not going to do that to a 1st grader.  I listened to him finish his speech and took the pamphlet because all it cost me was a few minutes of my time.  And his presence shamed me - just a little.
     I am not overt about my faith.  I like to think that folks know where I stand.  I like to think that I am not seen as a hypocrite - I swear and I have the occasional drink.  I gossip.  I do all the things I shouldn't do.  Despite that, I hope I am not a total failure in the faith department.  I do know that I have been pondering writing this for a long time.
    It is not that I don't want to talk about it: it is that I am afraid that I am going to get it wrong.  That I am going to screw up.
    But fear is a sin.
   No, not fear.  The allowance of fear to take the place of faith.  If I have faith, then God will use my faith and speak through me.  If I have fear, then fear will prohibit me from speaking when I should and thus, I have sinned against my God.
    My dad said that sin is basically knowing what is right and not doing it.  This mind set means that we sin all the time as well as alludes to a knowledge that we all have a knowledge of  what is right.
    Example:  There is a social acceptance that to litter is wrong.  To do so damages the earth that we live in and makes it ugly to look at.  It is in defiance to the idea that we are stewards of this earth. You throw litter out the window = sin.  However, if knowing what is right and not doing the right thing is a sin, then if you walk by litter - not yours - and don't pick it up, that too is a sin.   Because the right thing to do would be to pick it up and throw it away
   This sounds simplistic but it speaks to the heart of Psalm 51:5 - "For I was born a sinner--yes, from the moment my mother conceived me."   Do babies sin?  No.  But that is not the point, the point is that we are not sinless because every day we know the right thing and don't do it.  I would even go so far as to say that we are born knowing what is right but our selfishness and sometimes self preservation prevents us from doing what is right.
    Doubtful?  Have you ever blamed your sibling for what you did?  It happens and young too.  See, even at 3, we know the right thing is to "own up" to what we did BUT self preservation kicks in and we lie EVEN though we know that we will get our sibling in trouble.  We KNOW it is wrong.  Hence, sin. 
   Sin is an ugly word.  No one wants to be a sinner.  We all believe that we are "good people".  We want to be good people.  We want to do the right thing.  Now, keep in mind our definition of sin.  Knowing what is right and not doing it.  Not as ugly?  The "right thing" is to do countless little things but we don't do them because of countless little reasons.  The point is that no matter how we try we will never be sinless or a truly "good person" because even "good people" walk by the litter or don't stop to take the stray kitten to the shelter or whatever.
    Then what is the point then?  Let anarchism  rule!
    The point is to be better.  So you don't pick up the litter today - you do it tomorrow.  But even doing it tomorrow does not take the place of faith.  Faith is the idea that there is something/someone out there that is bigger and more just than self.  Faith says that there is a purpose.  There is a reason to be better.
     I know some say that they want to believe but can't - I guess because there is no evidence.  For me, I can't not believe (I'll discuss evidence later).  The idea of no God is terrifying to me.  Without God, there is no purpose; no reason for being here.  I choose to believe in the specificity of the universe; not the random joining of molecules.
     Do I believe that God had a purpose for Jarrad's paralysis?  No, not really.  I believe that it is the result of an imperfect world - a sinful one.  Purpose is bigger than small, albeit life changing,  incidents.  I have said it before, it is how we handle the imperfect world that is important.  I want my handling of all of it to be worthy of the God I believe in.  That is the purpose of life.  That is the purpose of my faith.  I will not get it right.  I will fail.  But I will do better tomorrow.  And I will stumble the day after that. And the next day, maybe I will catch myself before I fall flat on my face and then, keep going.

healing the paralyzed man

    I can't tell you how many times I have come to this entry, typed a bit and then left it.  I admit that when I come to this story in the kid's little Bible book, I pass over it.  It is hard to digest and wrap my head around.

Mark 2:1-12

Jesus Forgives and Heals a Paralyzed Man

2 A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. ² They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. ³ Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. ⁴ Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. ⁵ When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

⁶ Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, ⁷ “Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”
⁸ Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things? ⁹ Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? ¹⁰ But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the man, ¹¹ “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” ¹² He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!”

    When "the incident" first happened, a friend's son was taught this lesson in his Sunday school class.  On the way home, he asked her why God didn't heal Mr. Jarrad like he did in the Bible lesson.  How do you explain to a child that God has reasons for what he does and this was a miracle to demonstrate that he was the Son of God who could heal our spiritual self as well as the physical?  Sure you could say it like that but does that really explain anything? There is a difference between a pat answer and a soul deep understanding.
    I remember one Sunday when the pastor preached on this passage.  Maybe it was just me, but I kind of felt like the whole room went tense as he read the scripture.  He didn't mention us - the elephant in the room - and I will be honest, I don't remember much,  ok, anything of the sermon.  I kind of shut down- lost in my own contemplation of the passage and here is a post about it.  
    I am not a preacher.  And my thoughts are not always .... um... theological.  And I am writing this from the perspective of a believer to other believers; not as an apologetic for faith.
    I know that so many people prayed for Jarrad to get up and walk.  I know that some people were disappointed that it didn't happen.  Some would even say that they were (gasp!) angry at God.  By the way, it is ok to be angry with God.  He is big enough to take it.  I was angry with him.  It would be ridiculous if I weren't.  It would be ridiculous if Jarrad hadn't been.  So can you understand why this passage is hard to read?  If God has already forgiven us of our sins, then repairing Jarrad's spine would be a simple matter.  And how much more praise would God receive because of it?  Would He not be more glorified through the miraculous healing than through the continuation of Jarrad's paralysis?  How is Jarrad and our family suffering for the betterment of His purpose?  
    I don't think I am alone in this questioning.  Any loss or tragedy would inspire these questions. We all ask why and how.  How is the death of my child/spouse/friend going to make this world a better place?  How is losing my job going to further the gospel?  How is this accident, this cancer, this illness for good?  Why do we have to go through this?  What is God's purpose?
    And then, tonight, Jarrad read the story of Lazarus' death to the kids as I was washing up after dinner.  And for me, it kind of clicked.  Not saying that I like the click but. . . See, our time is not His time.  Ugh.  I do not like the idea but it is EVERYWHERE in scripture that what we want to happen is not always what should happen.  
    And Jarrad's accident isn't Christ making a point to the teachers of law or to anyone else. It is not because of some sin - well, other than we don't live in a perfect world. Thanks Adam and Eve!  This was life - as sucky as it can be at times.  We are never promised miracles.  We are never promised "a good life".  In fact, the opposite.  I don't know why we have this idea that we are protected from a sinful world.  A world where we are elite and above being "rained on".  We are alive and frankly, I don't see God as a micro -manager.  You know,free will would not be free will if He was.  So death, accidents, illness isn't something that He "does".  He doesn't "use" those things for His plan; He uses us.  All of us - anger, hope, frustration, determination - our actions and how we respond to life.  
     He forgave that man's sin and then He healed him to prove a point.  The point was made.   We have to ask ourselves, what point are we making about God through our own actions.

it just happens

     When I was 16, I had a birthday party.  I was a cheerleader so all of my friends came over and we watched a movie (Do you guys remember?), made sweatshirts and I got presents.  My frienemy - we did have those even before the term was coined- gave me a blank book.  It became my first journal.  Since then, I have always journal-ed.   I have not always been consistent but I have always written.  It soothes my soul.

     I know that my mom had journals from when she was a teen.  I know that she burnt them.  When I found out, I was a little annoyed.  I would have loved to read them.  I wanted to know what she was like when she was my age.  Her reasoning was that they were personal and she didn't want them read.  That stuck with me.  Bad or good, I think words should be read.  I guess that is why I write a blog.
    That being said, I don't always publish what I write.  I have written 136 posts.  109 have been published.  And yes, I have deleted some.  But 27 of them should never see the light of day.  This entry was going to be the 28th.
   It started out to be a metaphor about sailing on a boat.  I try to be poetic sometimes.  It went on to talk about how sometimes, I am sailing along with the wind at my back and everything is going well.  And then sometimes, I wake up swallowing water, trying to keep my head up.  Bobbing between drowning in negativity and breathing hope.
    It was . . . deleted.
    Partly because it was a crude cliche' and partly because it hurt to express how I felt - the inelegance hurt.  At least I wasn't mixing my nautical metaphor with something else. 
  If you have ever been drowning in the "sea of despair"  (Thank you, L.M. Montgomery), you know it and you try to pull yourself out.  I went for a walk, I prayed, I tried meditation and yoga.  Finally I went to one of the blogs/devotionals that I read - Proverbs 31 Ministry - and wouldn't you know but it was a nautical devotional!  It hit me between the eyes. I hope this link works but if not, it was the July 26th devotional. 
http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/
    It was on Matthew 14:29.  Where Peter gets out of the boat.  Christ asks us to get out of the boat.  To have faith not just to walk on it but also that He will pull us out if we fall.   I am going to sink.  It is going to happen again.  I need to remember that if I do, it is ok because He will pull me out. 
    I am not alone- I have Jarrad, I have family, I have friends.  I have my God. 

when you go down a hill, you will eventually go up...

     My last post expressed frustration with THE SYSTEM.  Jarrad was frustrated.  I was frustrated.  I am sure his counselor is frustrated too.  It is a frustration party!  Not fun. Don't come.  There are no favors or balloons.  And definitely no cake. 
    I hope you laughed at that.  If you didn't, then I hope what I am about to reveal puts a smile on your face.  See, in the midst of frustration and well, anger, Jarrad decided to seek counsel and prayer from one of the pastors at our church.  He called up and said just that - we need prayer.  We need it to soothe our souls.  The pastor prayed and listened.  It was nice and Jarrad felt better afterwards which made me feel better and we resolved that our faith should not be in THE SYSTEM but in our God.
    And then the next day, the pastor called back with a plan.  The church would pay a member who was out of work to take Jarrad to work.  It was a win- win for the church as it would help 2 of its members!  We were flabbergasted.  We only wanted prayer and a reminder in whom we were to put our faith, we told the pastor.  He understood that, he said, but we had a need and this was a solution.
    The church doesn't have to do this for us.  But they are anyway.  Just when I thought we had no options (and let me tell you, these past 2 weeks of taking Jarrad to work or him working from home has not been fun!), this act of kindness came along to to restore, no, to build upon my faith. 
    I don't even know what to say.  Thank you seems so small in comparison to how big a burden has been lifted. 

finding something

      Do you ever hear a sermon or read a devotional and think - there was nothing there for me.  The answer is yes.  We have all done that and if you are saying no, not me - well, all I can say is um hmm.  I usually read Proverbs 31 Ministries devotional.  I like the fact that it is written by women and focuses on the struggles that they go through.  I have to admit, that sometimes the devotional doesn't seem to make a connection with me but I have been praying that I would connect on some level with whatever it is that they are talking about.
     Today's devotion was on John 4.  The story of the Samaritan woman.  It was all stuff I heard before Jesus was reaching out to her. . . knew all about her . . .  living water misunderstanding . . . yeah, ok but I plowed through thinking that I would learn something more.  Now, before you think poorly of me, let me tell you something.
    I went to a Christian school for 13 years.  I cannot tell you the number of verses that I have memorized (and forgotten).  Then I went to Bible college for a year.  I have heard popular passages expounded upon again and again.  So it is rare that for a popular passage such as this to have something new introduced.  Wow.  I sound so conceited.  Keep in mind, I said popular passages.  And I did say I learn new things; like today.
       Today, I learned to focus not on the narration but rather on the narrator. In literature, there are 2 kinds of narration - 1st and 3rd person.  1st person means that the narrator is the main character in the story.  They tell it from their point of view.  3rd person means that the narrator is not the main character (ie the Gospels are written from 3rd person point of view).  Sometimes, in 3rd person, the narrator is a minor character but sometimes the narrator is omniscient meaning not a character in the story but rather someone with a "god" like view of the story (ie they see everything that happens).  It is easy for me to take that approach with the Gospels.  It is easy to forget that the gospels are told by a minor character; one who is a part of the story.  
       While we may think that Jesus was having a private conversation with this woman, he wasn't.  John was there.  He apparently remained behind to keep Jesus company while his disciples went into town.  He witnessed everything.  Ok, not a big deal.  Until you consider  this - the men who biographied the life of Christ in the Gospels were witness to more miracles and sermons and parables than they recorded.  They generalize the amount by saying things like he "cast out demons" and "healed the sick and the lame" and "preaching and teaching the multitudes".
     So what was it about this one encounter that made John want to record it?  In 3 years, Jesus' message hadn't changed and I am sure that John heard some version of that message several times.  So what is so striking about Jesus talking to a Samaritan and a woman at that?
     I don't know.  I do know that sometimes we hear the same thing over and over but sometimes the way the message is presented has the impact.  It can turn us off or make us sit up and pay attention.  Maybe that is what happened to John. I can tell you one thing, whenever I read the Gospels from now on, I am no longer going to think that I am looking in at the story.  I am going to keep in mind that the narrator was in the story; not just telling it. 
     I guess that is the lesson I needed to learn. 


(It usually takes me a week to write a blog so this occurred last week.  Sorry)

cry out

My God, My God!  Why hast thou forsaken me?
Matthew 27:46
     Have you ever wanted to cry these words out?  Have you been so overwhelmed with whatever your situation is that you just fall to your knees in anguish? Have you ever been so overwhelmed with a situation that the idea of sackcloth and ashes makes sense?  If not, then you have never experiences real pain.
    "But  I . . . "  STOP.  Don't even go there.
     I remember sitting in the Student Activities Center in college.  I was worrying about how to pay my next tuition bill when I overheard a couple of students talking about getting a C in a class.  I wanted to laugh at them.  They had no idea what real crisis was.  Now, I just want to laugh at my former self.  What did I know? If anything like the above situations was going to cross your lips - anything frivolous like money - then you have no idea what I mean.  I am talking about a loss.  A tangible, physical loss that results in an intangible loss as well.  One that makes your very soul cry out to the Creator begging Him to show you something, anything that would make the pain ease for a tiny fraction.
     Hence, the verse. 
     Christ said these words on the cross.  The cross He chose to go on.  There is some discussion among scholars as to why He would say this even though He knew what was coming.  Even when He knew that this was the perfect plan and He knew the outcome.  So WHY would He ask?  Why would His soul cry out in anguish and misery at the abandonment of HIS Father?  When He knew in 3 days time, He would rise again?    I am no biblical scholar.  I am human.  What I know with my head doesn't always make sense in my heart.  It is the difference between knowing and feeling.  And now, I cry My God, My God!  Why have you forsaken me?  Why haven't you shown your hand of power in our life?  Why have you sent your children to go through this pain?
     Do you know what comforts me?  That Christ went through this pain of the heart.  What He knew with His head  was contradicted in the pain of the heart.  All those biblical scholars can talk all they want about how this was a fulfillment of what was prophesied.  They speak logically and quote verse after verse and are all right but that doesn't mean you don't consider the heart; the humanity, as well.  Christ was God made flesh.  He knew all these things but still suffered.  Otherwise, how could He be punished UNLESS there was punishment?  Christ suffered not only for the sins of a world but also suffered the loss and pain associated with being in a sinful world.  All the questions that are asked about where is God when bad things happen to good people can be changed to ask,  "Was not Christ a 'good person'?"  Even the other major religions acknowledge Him as some sort of  "Holy Man".  And he still asked, Where are you God? Even though HE KNEW!
     I know that there is a plan.  I know that this is not the result of something that we did but rather the effect of being in a sinful world and I know that God uses everything to His glory.  But knowing doesn't stop the pain.  I think that Christ showed us that.  He showed us that despite the pain, He still trusted. We need to keep going through the pain, going through the emotions to get to what we know.
     I know that we have a hard time ahead.  I know that it will get better.  Already, I see it getting better as Jarrad gets stronger but it doesn't stop the pain.  It doesn't stop the heart crying out. 
     I believe in the deity of Christ.  I believe in his humanity as well.  It is my comfort.  Because I believe that He KNOWS.  He knows in only that intimate way that others who have survived (ha!) can. 
     I believe it is a theme throughout the Bible.  Trust through pain to the end. 
    It is my only hope. 

count it all joy

     Today we have come full circle.  An ambulance was called for transport to take Jarrad back to Duke to get his leg looked at.  I happened to glance at my watch as we were driving down 85 and noticed it was 2:40.  I barked with laughter.  I like that phrase.  Bark with laughter.  Here we go again, I thought.
      He has a broken femur.  He fell last Monday.  Just overextended himself and fell off the bed.  I wonder if I broke it getting him back into bed . . . no, he will not be happy when he reads this.  We shouldn't do that to ourselves; we promised.  What is done is done.  If we could go back in time, it wouldn't be to not fall out of bed.
     Now, he is expected to be at the hospital for about a week.  He will probably have surgery and MORE metal inserted into him - say hello to the next Bionic Man.  We could let it heal on its own but he would be crooked and one leg would be shorter than the other.  Why does it matter?  Well, if he is going to be bionic, we do want him to be symmetrical. No really, it could make things harder and it would take longer for the symptoms of healing to go away. 
     We are just numb.  I have cried but not to the point of making myself sick. I think I have cried enough.  This is hard.  It sucks.  It is shitty (yes, you read that word right - now, go reference my earlier blog about swearing).  And it keeps coming. Why, we asked each other in the exam room.  Why do all these things happen to us?  Have we not had enough?  What lesson are we supposed to learn from this?  Have we not learned it already?
     I think of Job 2:9 "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!"  We could do that.  We could turn and curse God for all of this or we could "count it all joy when you fall into various trials". James 1:2.  The implication being that no one seeks out trials but that they are accidents so you need to find the joy in it.
     So what joy is there in this?  I don't know.  I do know that Jarrad is healthy.  There is no infection.  This sets us back about a week in our healing process and rehab.  Well, we all know how time schedules change. But we are going with a week.  We have family who love us.  We have friends who love us.  Jarrad gets to take a shower.
     There is joy here.  Joy in our blessings.  Blessings in those who are around us.   A friend who not only cuts up apples but also the quiche she brings so that it is easier.  Or the friends who love our kids like they are their own.  Or a friend who "kidnaps" our kids because we are exhausted.  Or the one who shows up to make sure the ramp to our house is built well and is worried about our walkway.  Or the one who always emails me to check on me and answer questions.  Or the one who brought so much food, I could feed my family for 2 weeks.  How about those who call just to check on us or the ones who put so much time into tearing apart my (yes, my) house to get it ready for us and the one who cleans up the mess that the others made.  These and others are our joys.  Our family.  Our friends.  These are the riches that I have here on earth, that I can store up on earth.  And take to heaven.
     Now comes the proselytizing part.  I believe that there is a God.  I believe that there is a heaven and a hell.  I believe that the only way to God is through His Son.  I believe His hand is on our (Jarrad and my) lives and I would love to be the one to share more with you.  Yes, even with all of this shit (sorry, no other word suits.) I believe that there is a purpose.  I believe He loves us.  I believe His plan is perfect.  I don't know what it is or how it is going to work out, but I have faith.  I will "count it all joy".

and trust

    It is funny how God works.  Sometimes, it is a slap across the head and sometimes, it is a gentle reminder.  I feel, no, I know that right now, He is gently reminding me to trust Him.  After last night, I slept poorly.  This morning, I took Emma to school and came back.  Jarrad's knee looks bad and his thigh is swollen.  Hard.  We are going to the Dr. in a few minutes.  We think he must have somehow - not sure how - dislocated his hip and knee.
     Remember when I said, I couldn't take much more?  Well, I am broken.  All I have left is my faith.  I HAVE to trust God.  He said as much in this mornings devotion.
     At 6:00, I felt the need to get up and open my daily devotion.  I usually read Proverbs 31 Ministries.   http://www.proverbs31.org/devotions/  The devotion today was about trust.  I need to trust Him.  In everything.  Today, I am repeating "I will trust you" over and over.  If you say something over and over, it will be true at some point. At some point, you have no choice.
     Not long after the accident, I learned that if I thought too much about the future, I would drive myself to hysterical sobbing.  Now, I have to remind myself again of this lesson.  Let the future come at its own pace.  Don't try to plan too far ahead or you will drive yourself to a hospital for admittance.

     So this was yesterday.  Today, we are better.  Tired, frustrated but better.  There was no blog clot.  Yea.  At least that is something.  This morning, we noticed that there is a projection from his hip - like a dislocated bone.  Yea.  But what are we to do?  We already went to the Dr.  and got no help.  "You will probably need an MRI."  Yea.  
     I will trust you.  I will trust you.  I will trust you.  I will trust.  I will.  

early in the morning

     When you first wake in the morning, there is a short window of time when everything is right with the world.  It is a magical time.  You are content for a few moments before you remember and then the world has been turned upside down and the nausea starts. I have found that as time goes by, the nausea doesn't last as long.  That is something at least. 
     Just when I think that I am getting things squared away in my head; just when I adjust my dreams that I thought had died, just when I stop focusing on what we can't do and what we can, we get hit again. 
     Heterotopic ossification - excess bone growth on the joints which can hinder movements of the joints and make mobility (read - independence) more difficult.  Guess who has it?  Yep, my wonderful, strong husband.  Only about 20% get it.  Yeah.
    Oh, AND 49% get carpal tunnel syndrome - guess who has that too?  Yep. 
    Really?  REALLY?  God, I have not cursed you.  I have chosen to see your blessings in this.  It has not been easy.  I have had to force myself sometimes.  I have focused on what I know and not what I feel.  My heart cries out WHY?  Why are you doing this?  What lesson do you want me to learn?  Why are you allowing this to happen?  Is it not enough that he is paralyzed and will suffer chronic pain as a result but now, now, he has these additinal things to happen that will cause more pain and difficulty. 
     I want to say that it is well with my soul.  I really do.  Please God.

have no choice

     We are going home.  It is not going to be normal or perfect.  We are going to have more things to get used to and we need to relearn how to do stuff but it is HOME.  I am not sure how it will work and am very scared to go but I want to be at my house with my routine - whatever that is. 
     I have to keep pushing at the part of me that thinks everything will be normal.  I have to remind myself that I need to get 3 people up and ready in the morning in addition to myself.  I may not get a chance to shower so be kind if I start to stink!  Jarrad is worried that it will be too much but that is the way life is right now.  I don't have a choice. 
     When I was at rehab a few weeks ago, one of the CNA's said to me that I was amazing.  "Too many times, we have patients coming in the front door and wives or girlfriends going out the back."  I don't have a choice because I made a promise - for better or worse.  That is a promise I made because I love Jarrad and what is my love worth if I bail at the "worse" part.  What does it say about our society when we are in awe of someone who DOES NOT "head out the back" at the first sign of difficulty?  Of what value are our promises?  No wonder we have so many lawyers and contracts and prenups. 
   I have no choice because I couldn't live with myself if I left Jarrad -  not because I can't live with this disability but because I can't live WITHOUT him.  Life would be worse off if he weren't in my life.
     I used to get so irritated when I was single because it seemed like everyone was pushing marriage.  Like I couldn't live a full and fulfilling life without a man in it.  And then I moved south and met a southern gentleman.  When we were married, I got it.  What no one said to me.  What they should have said to me (I am a romantic, after all).  When you meet your soul mate, it is a gift.  There is really nothing that can describe it.  Well, actually there is but it is all cliche'.  A soul mate makes you a better person.  A soul mate knows you better than you know yourself.  He is your best friend.  You love them more than yourself but the line is blurred because he is a part of your self. 
     So, this stage will be tough.  But I know my husband.  He is determined and strong and stubborn and funny and so very, very impressive.

                                         Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,
                            it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
                           it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does              
                          not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects,
                         always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
                                                                                                 - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7