Every year, I sit down and compose a letter to update you on our lives. Many of you receive this letter and read information you already know. For some, it is new. This year, I hardly need to write at all because you all know what has happened. This year, I am also not sending out Christmas cards. Why? Simply because there is just so much to do and I am really tired.
Every time we seem to be striding towards normalcy, it feels like we get knocked back. Twice, Jarrad has broken his leg. The SAME one. We are worn out. If it weren't for all of your prayers and encouragement, I don't know where we would be. To say I am discouraged is an understatement. It is hard to remember at this time when we celebrate the birth of Christ that He is still with us. I feel like my prayers are not being heard - sometimes, I feel very alone.
Sometimes, it is so hard to remember that we are not alone. That is why Christmas is so important. It is at this time that we are reminded every time we wake up that we are not alone. The lights, the songs, the chorus' of "MOMMY! I want that!" all remind us that we are never alone (although sometimes a little alone time is nice; especially at 6:30 am).
God designed this world so that we would not be alone. He made us for himself so that he would not be alone so why do we feel he would leave us? Despite all tragedy, despite death and pain, we are not alone. All of us are reaching out and can find his hand even when things are at their darkest. It is easy to listen to the news and only hear of the bad things that happen and forget that God is still here. You can see him in the angels on earth that reach out to show that we are not alone. That is God working in us.
I was always amused as a teacher when I would talk to kids and tell them that I understood what they were feeling. First there would be skepticism until I proceeded to describe the feelings and emotions that they were enduring. Amazement always dawned as they realized that perhaps they really weren't the first to feel this way. And I could get away with saying I knew what they felt because I wasn't their parent. We read stories of Christ of how he wept and was angry about how the temple was desecrated. How he held children -perhaps not so much for them as for himself? We read of his frustration and his loneliness. How he pleaded to have his burden lifted. These are not recorded just for documentation but to show us that we are not the first to have these feelings; to establish his humanity.I listened to a song - one I have heard a million times - "Mary, did you know?" recently. Never paid much attention but I can tell you the answer to the question now. No, she did not know. No one wants to "know" that their child will hurt and suffer even if it means that they save the world. She may have guessed but she put them away in her heart. We never "know" how things are going to turn out. We only hope for the best. Would Jarrad and I have willingly chosen this? We can't control what happens to us as much as we would like to but we can control how we react. Our friends, family and most of all, our faith is what helps us to handle it.
We struggle, we fall and we continue on. It is my wish that through this, hopefully, God will be glorified. I am not sure how much because I am only too aware of my own shortcomings but then I only have to be available.
Merry Christmas. May this new year have blessings for all of you as you have so richly blessed us.
Jarrad, Belinda, Emma and Sam
