Spoiled

     Jarrad says that I have 2 types of PMS:  Weepy and cranky and weepy and lovey.   Want to guess which type he prefers?  Fortunately, we are weepy and lovey today. 
    So - today, on this beautiful day - I dropped the kids off at school.  It was a good morning.  Could have been better if I had slept but there was no yelling about teeth or getting dressed or eating breakfast.  I made a hot breakfast (!) and we even had enough time to play an (educational) computer game. Wonderful.
     And as I watched them exit the car and run into the building, I couldn't help but think how blessed I am and how quickly time goes.
    Everyone tells you to "enjoy the time because it goes by so fast".  Yep.  It does.
    Don't worry about a clean house because they are going to grow up so fast.  But they still need clean clothes and I need to function in said house.
    They are only little once so don't sweat the small stuff.  Um, have YOU ever stepped on a lego in the the middle of the night?
    Enjoying this time isn't about letting your house go to pot, it is about taking a moment, a snapshot, and holding it forever.  5 minutes to play and remember because out of 24 hours, those 5 minutes are going to be the ones that you all remember.
    So, I am going to make them make their beds every morning.  I don't require it to be perfect but I do want the covers up and pillows and the 20 stuffed animals on their beds.  And I am going to make them have (at least) a "daddy sized" path from  their bed to the door.   They are going to put away dishes every night. And I am going to freak out when there are socks all over the floor or when someone leaves his underwear in the bathroom and his sister yells that it is gross (DUDE! There is a hamper!)
   And I am going to go to dance recitals - both on a stage and at home - and basketball games (because NOW we miss it) and as many field trips as I can.

The impact of dates.

     Yesterday, It was 3 years.  We were doing ok.  We knew it was coming but we were ok.  Much more than last year.  Sure, I had some fits but I tried to remember not to rewind the tape and move forward.
     And then we woke up on the 19th. 
    Jarrad got snipey with me because I kept asking what he was thinking about.   He then apologized and we reminded each other that we were a team. We went through the day. 
    But it is amazing how little things can be such a gut punch.
    He gave me a hug and I burst into tears.  And no, people, I am not PMSing.  I started to cry because he was still here to hug me.  I looked at the clock and saw it was 2:30.  Cried.  Went to work and had a coworker ask me how I was - cried.  Each time I looked at the clock, my thoughts went to 3 years ago: Oh, the doctors are prepping Jarrad.  Oh.  I a need to go to 2nd floor surgery.  Oh. The longer Jarrad was is in surgery, the better because it means that they are able to "fix" things.  And I remember everything - all of the numbing emotions, the surrealness. The inability to comprehend what was being said.
    I don't want this date to have that kind of power.
    I am hoping with time that it will stop.  
    I can talk about making conscious choices and looking at the facts as opposed to emotions all I want but the truth is that sometimes it doesn't matter at all.  Sometimes, emotions are there and you have to ride them out.