I am angry so instead of eating my feelings, I am going to write them. I have been thinking over the past couple of days about if I was right to resign. Maybe I should have waited to see what would have happened that I forgot a simple fact:
The man removed me from the schedule completely. With no explanation - not to my manager, not to me - 3 times he told me that there was no position for me. What other recourse did I have but to go to HR?
And then we have the meeting and he still never answered the question! He started in with I was unprofessional and no one wanted to work with me.
Now I hear that he found me rude and disruptive in meetings. He says it was that way from the first time we met and that I was on a personal call (oh the horror!! How dare I take a personal call!) and he was surprised to find me where I was.
Ah, no.
1. He called 30 minutes before closing. He knew I was there.
2. He came 5 minutes before closing and yes, I was on the phone trying to get a hold of Jarrad because the kids were supposed to be getting off the bus.
3. Jarrad had just got out of the hospital from kidney failure that had him incoherent and was on heavy antibiotics so when he didn't pick up, I was freaking out. And it was 5 minutes before closing and NO ONE WAS THERE!
4. Was not the first time that we had met. Unless he wants to discount the staff meeting where he introduced himself and then dismissed us or the time he came to tour my home branch but hey, it is all about perspective.
I will give him that I was "rude" to him. He did nothing to endear himself to me. I did tell him that I didn't trust him BECAUSE I did not know him (hint - show up dude and figure out who we are) or what his plan for the library was. Yes, libraries have vision plans. Libraries aren't just about books. He said he had a plan - I waited and got nothing.
I will give him that I was rude because I am a northerner - what southerners see as rudeness, we see as reserve and frankness. However, I have been given compliments about my friendliness from true southerners so maybe it is just people who come in and move the whole damn kitchen! Sorry, another speech where he said he wasn't going to move the coffee pot. It was a metaphor that said he wasn't going to change things; he was going to see how things worked. He left the coffee pot - he moved the kitchen. Yeah, I think I had trust issues.
And yet, all this could have been avoided if he had simply told me why I was off the schedule. He never did. And now he is spinning this as I am unprofessional and difficult to work with and rude.
When the kids come home and say "Mommy, Daddy, someone said this about me or called me this" We ask them if that person spoke truth. They always answer no. And we tell them then that person lied and the truth will come out.
Man, it sucks when you have to practice what you preach.
Just keep repeating - karma karma karma karma karma karma karma karma
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
reputation
When I was an adolescent, I went to sleep away camp. I loved it. It was fun. I am not exactly an outdoorsy person but there is something about sleep away camps that is unique and just a great experience. One year when I was about 14, there was this boy. He told the boys in his cabin that we had gone into the woods and I let him touch me. I found out about it because one of the guys in the cabin told me that this boy said that. I remember being horrified. The guy who was my friend told me not to worry. That the 3 other guys he was talking to laughed at him and told him that would never have happened.
I learned two things that day:
1. That I had the reputation of being an ice queen.
2. Reputation matters.
I have lived in this area for 14 years. I know who I am - I know my faults. I like to hear about gossip - it is my soap opera. I don't keep secrets - too much pressure and I make mistakes and hurt people. I don't always think before I speak so I hurt people's feelings. I can come across as unapproachable. Sometimes I stumble over my words and am not as precise in language as I expect others to be. Ironic for one who taught English.
But I also know my good qualities - I am compassionate. I listen. I try to help where I can. I am learning to control my faults. I am loyal. I am a good friend. I do my tasks to the best of my abilities. I am laid back and don't seek the limelight or the accolades of others. I like knowing if I do a good job (we all do) but I am not going to pout if I don't get a parade. I know that if you were to ask people in the community, they would only say positive things about me.
That is why today was hard. I sat in a meeting today where someone accused me of being difficult to work - I was told that my coworkers said this about me. I tried not to laugh because I know that they did not. I am that sure of my reputation. If anything, they would say I was too chatty when I should just check out books! I was told that I was unprofessional. Again, I find that funny. Again, I am pretty sure that I would be told I chat too much by patrons. I was told that I created drama. While I like to listen to far away drama, I mean, come on, I READ, of course I like drama; I certainly don't like to be a part of it. It is too painful and I have had my share of it. I am done with being a part of the drama!
I sat there and was told that this person had to put up with it for 9 months. That I - a part time person - bragged to others about how I was making life difficult for the director. While I am sure of my reputation, I am not sure how I could have made life difficult for someone several pay grades ahead of me.
Yes, I did defend myself and admitted to certain parts of his grievances against me. I did talk to a board member. Once. I did not make the director's life miserable - how could I? WHAT could I have possibly done or said to do that?
Finally I turned to HR and said that I knew how this was going to go. It was going to be a case of he said/she said. And while I am sure that my "said" would be verified, I am also sure that I was a part time employee. I told HR that HR would be back in this situation again. That I knew what his recommendation would be and I had to do my part and resign before I was fired. I just wanted to make sure that my record of what happened would go in his file so that it would add veracity for the next person that is "difficult" to work with.
I am sad. I loved my job. It was a way for me to make a really small amount of money that allowed us to save for Disney. It allowed us to pay off hospital bills and let us provide extras for the kids. It allowed us to not worry about medications that were expensive. It gave us breathing room. It is not critical that I find another job right now. It would be difficult to find a job that gave the amount of flexibility that this one did for child care and doctor's visits. This job was perfect. The people were great and I worked with books! AWESOME!
I am angry that something I loved is being effected by this person. I had hoped that I could have made a difference and I wouldn't have to give up something I enjoyed. I know that I have done what I could but it doesn't seem enough because he is still there and who will he turn on next? I feel helpless and I just don't know what to do now.
I learned two things that day:
1. That I had the reputation of being an ice queen.
2. Reputation matters.
I have lived in this area for 14 years. I know who I am - I know my faults. I like to hear about gossip - it is my soap opera. I don't keep secrets - too much pressure and I make mistakes and hurt people. I don't always think before I speak so I hurt people's feelings. I can come across as unapproachable. Sometimes I stumble over my words and am not as precise in language as I expect others to be. Ironic for one who taught English.
But I also know my good qualities - I am compassionate. I listen. I try to help where I can. I am learning to control my faults. I am loyal. I am a good friend. I do my tasks to the best of my abilities. I am laid back and don't seek the limelight or the accolades of others. I like knowing if I do a good job (we all do) but I am not going to pout if I don't get a parade. I know that if you were to ask people in the community, they would only say positive things about me.
That is why today was hard. I sat in a meeting today where someone accused me of being difficult to work - I was told that my coworkers said this about me. I tried not to laugh because I know that they did not. I am that sure of my reputation. If anything, they would say I was too chatty when I should just check out books! I was told that I was unprofessional. Again, I find that funny. Again, I am pretty sure that I would be told I chat too much by patrons. I was told that I created drama. While I like to listen to far away drama, I mean, come on, I READ, of course I like drama; I certainly don't like to be a part of it. It is too painful and I have had my share of it. I am done with being a part of the drama!
I sat there and was told that this person had to put up with it for 9 months. That I - a part time person - bragged to others about how I was making life difficult for the director. While I am sure of my reputation, I am not sure how I could have made life difficult for someone several pay grades ahead of me.
Yes, I did defend myself and admitted to certain parts of his grievances against me. I did talk to a board member. Once. I did not make the director's life miserable - how could I? WHAT could I have possibly done or said to do that?
Finally I turned to HR and said that I knew how this was going to go. It was going to be a case of he said/she said. And while I am sure that my "said" would be verified, I am also sure that I was a part time employee. I told HR that HR would be back in this situation again. That I knew what his recommendation would be and I had to do my part and resign before I was fired. I just wanted to make sure that my record of what happened would go in his file so that it would add veracity for the next person that is "difficult" to work with.
I am sad. I loved my job. It was a way for me to make a really small amount of money that allowed us to save for Disney. It allowed us to pay off hospital bills and let us provide extras for the kids. It allowed us to not worry about medications that were expensive. It gave us breathing room. It is not critical that I find another job right now. It would be difficult to find a job that gave the amount of flexibility that this one did for child care and doctor's visits. This job was perfect. The people were great and I worked with books! AWESOME!
I am angry that something I loved is being effected by this person. I had hoped that I could have made a difference and I wouldn't have to give up something I enjoyed. I know that I have done what I could but it doesn't seem enough because he is still there and who will he turn on next? I feel helpless and I just don't know what to do now.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
bullies
We tell our children to stand up to bullies. We try to protect them from bullies. And with each generation, there is more to protect them from. And with every generation, there are new and different ways of the same old bullying. And somewhere along the line, we think that bullies stay in childhood. We forget that bullies grow up. Sometimes, they mature and change their ways and other times they turn into abusers and create new bullies in their image and other times they become more subtle.
2 years ago, I got the perfect part time job. A job that I loved. I got a compassionate manager and fantastic co workers. The pay wasn't much but it was enough to cover extra expenses.
And then things changed.
A bully was hired. I call him a bully because that is what he is. It is subtle. But the comments made, the phrases are enough that you are left going, huh? What? Did he just say what I think he did?
Right now, I am not working. I was on the schedule and in the course of 24 hours, I was off. All I was told was that there "is no position" for me. I feel like this is punishment but I am not sure what for. If I were to guess, it would be because I questioned the director. I confronted him and he didn't like it.
I went to HR and reported it and was told that it wasn't punishment. Surprisingly, HR was told the it was to be a reduction of hours. Hmmm. They were also told that this was a temporary schedule. Hmmm. I don't think HR knows what is going on. I also don't think that the director thought that I would go to HR. Hmmm. I do my job; I do it well. I am polite and friendly. I do what is asked and more. I am also not the newest person on staff so . . .
Apparently, there is supposed to be a meeting next week. I would like to think that I would get some answers but if it follows the pattern it has before, I won't get anything. It makes me sad because I know my time at the library is limited. I know that if I do stay, I will be penalized. It will be subtle but it will happen. I might be fired just because he can.
I love my job. I love the people I work with. I love the little bit of extra money that allows us to breathe and dream and hope. I am scared of what will happen. But this person already bullied 2 others into leaving and I guess I am next. If I can, hopefully, I can add to the process of getting rid of him because no one deserves to be treated this way.
2 years ago, I got the perfect part time job. A job that I loved. I got a compassionate manager and fantastic co workers. The pay wasn't much but it was enough to cover extra expenses.
And then things changed.
A bully was hired. I call him a bully because that is what he is. It is subtle. But the comments made, the phrases are enough that you are left going, huh? What? Did he just say what I think he did?
Right now, I am not working. I was on the schedule and in the course of 24 hours, I was off. All I was told was that there "is no position" for me. I feel like this is punishment but I am not sure what for. If I were to guess, it would be because I questioned the director. I confronted him and he didn't like it.
I went to HR and reported it and was told that it wasn't punishment. Surprisingly, HR was told the it was to be a reduction of hours. Hmmm. They were also told that this was a temporary schedule. Hmmm. I don't think HR knows what is going on. I also don't think that the director thought that I would go to HR. Hmmm. I do my job; I do it well. I am polite and friendly. I do what is asked and more. I am also not the newest person on staff so . . .
Apparently, there is supposed to be a meeting next week. I would like to think that I would get some answers but if it follows the pattern it has before, I won't get anything. It makes me sad because I know my time at the library is limited. I know that if I do stay, I will be penalized. It will be subtle but it will happen. I might be fired just because he can.
I love my job. I love the people I work with. I love the little bit of extra money that allows us to breathe and dream and hope. I am scared of what will happen. But this person already bullied 2 others into leaving and I guess I am next. If I can, hopefully, I can add to the process of getting rid of him because no one deserves to be treated this way.
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