We spent Saturday holiday shopping. We had our usual leisurely Saturday morning and then headed out to the mall a week before Christmas! Yes, I know but I never claimed to be brilliant. We went to Barnes and Noble, Target (every lane was open), and Kohl's. While waiting in line at Kohl's, Sam asked why we didn't have an elf. You know, that little doll that is styled like something from my Great Grandmother's childhood? The one with the mitten-ed hands and slightly psychotic expression that makes you want to walk backwards out of the room.
It isn't the first time he has asked that question about why we don't have an elf. This time, it was prompted by the lady in front of us who was carrying an elf "pet" (there is a pet now???). The conversation went something like this:
"Mommy, why don't we have an elf?"
"That's because I signed us up for the co operative plan." (The lady in front of me sniggers.)
"What does mean?"
"It means that we share an elf with several families. There is one elf that keeps watch on a bunch of families and he is invisible. Besides, do you think Mommy would be on the nice list if she had to clean up all the messes that an elf would make? You know how crazy Mommy gets when you leave messes. The elf would drive mommy even more crazy!"
This is where the lady in front turns and says, "Actually, it is the shining list." REALLY, lady I don't know, really? I know you are laughing at this tale that I am spinning for my son and I may be adding more to contribute to your amusement but since I am clearly avoiding this brand new modern addition to what contributes to the craziness of this holiday season, why are you trying to sabotage my explanation? Instead you should be applauding me for not being sucked into - the first year is cute, -the second year, still fun - but by the third year, you are kicking yourself for it - phenomenon.
The side conversation going over his head, literally, Sam continues. "If the elf isn't there all the time, how does he know when you are being good or bad?"
"That is because he contracts out to your stuffties. Instead of just the month of December, the stuffties watch you all year long."
Satisfied with the explanation, Sam turns to annoying his sister.
I know that if we had an elf, it wouldn't be forever that I would have to come up with new and creative ways for the elf to be naughty or whatever the reason why the elf does things at night. I know that soon, the magic of Christmas will be gone. I know that the kids won't always want to write letters to Santa. I know that they won't always be excited to see if the reindeers' hooves left glitter on the driveway. I know that this isn't forever. So I know that the stupid elf would be a limited time and the kids would have a good memory of their childhood if we had an elf. But I also know that they already have good memories and traditions that they can share when they have children of their own. One of those memories will be of mommy NOT going crazy with the elf!
