This is scary. . .

     It is scary when you look at this and say to youself:       

                                                 "Oh, I get this."

 

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/139611657178490776/?nic_v2=1aNZM9Hwv

writing again...

    Once upon a time, I wrote a lot.  Weekly.  I wrote to put some order inside my head that was just . . . full.  I wrote to empty myself of the thoughts.  Funny, I told my husband this morning that I was empty.  I am.  I am drained but my head is so full.  

    One should always start at the beginning.  

    Fall 2019.  

    J and I have settled into our new house.  We love it.  We are getting settled in.  I have returned to working at the library.  J's leg has finally closed over.  

    Ah, there is so much that you have missed. So when I say the beginning, I mean the beginning of the current crisis.  

    We have sat down to discuss what is next for us.  We needed to think about our future.  For now, I would continue to work at the library but perhaps I should continue to think about a full time job.  For now, we came up with a plan to reduce our debt and consider some long term goals.  We came up with a plan. 

    The kids were getting ready to start another year at school.  Open house was that night.  I took the kids to school and saw an former coworker.  She was the Director of EC services.  I knew that the school was down an EC teacher so I asked her how she was.  I have to admit that I was a little concerned since it was my son's teacher position that needed to be filled.  She laughed and asked me if I knew anyone who wanted to teach EC and would I want to teach EC - because she would hire me!  

    I had had a bad day at the library.  I had been yelled at twice.  IN THE LIBRARY!  One time by a a patron that I told to use headphones while pointing at the sign over his head that specifically said to use headphones!  So I asked her what the salary was.  I asked her what she wanted me to do - she said, "I want you to teach them to read . . .  and math. . .  that last part was very quiet.

    From there, it spiraled.  One thing led to another.  It was ridiculously easy to get my license reinstated.   The interview went well; I think it helped that we had worked together and that I had subbed there.  It was not a desperate hire though since almost immediately after my interview she received a resume for an teacher with EC experience.  

    And they still hired me. 

    Within a month, I was an upper elementary EC teacher at the school that my kids went to.  I never thought that I would ever want to enter a classroom again.  This position that I took seemed ideal.  I was starting to contribute to a retirement plan, I was working at the school my kids attended so that made it convenient.  I never thought that I would like my coworkers.  I never thought I would love working with the kids.  I never thought I would like my job!  

    Don't get me wrong.  Special Education is a hard job.  I really dislike writing IEP's.  It is hard work that you could be sued over.  You get crappy rooms because why would you need to have a classroom?  You get forgotten by general education and administrators.  Your battle self confidence issues in children who feel frustration and stupid. 

    In my interview, I was asked how I would handle writing IEP's and meetings.  I was honest.  I told them that I knew I was jumping into the deep end of the pool.  I knew that I was going to be in over my head but that I would hit bottom, push off and start to swim.  

   Spring 2020 - Covid.  Quarantine.   Remote learning.  Plan A.  Plan B.  Plan C.  You aren't going to have your closet to teach in (it really is a closet - no window).  You are going to have to teach in a room with 2 other people.  Wait, you get to keep your room.  Now, do your best to address IEP goals. Plan B - nope Plan A and Plan C.   Wait what?  And you don't get to stay in your closet that you have made into your space where you have all of your stuff.  The place that you go when you need a minute to sit and be quiet.  The place you go to turn off the lights when you have born the brunt of a parent's or co workers frustration.  Or when your own child is the one that causes you frustration.  A place where you can take a deep breath.  

    Oh and you have to teach smaller groups and you have to find time to teach remotely and you have to do it a borrowed room but we don't know where and we don't know when and we don't know how.