teach my son

    "Mommy, why did you marry Daddy?"
     Sam asked from the back seat as we were driving home from the DMV.  For a minute, I was speechless.  It was a pointed and abstract thought question and not at all like my temper tantrum throwing three year old.  I have come to expect those kinds of questions from Emma but not yet from Sam.  It was so not tangible.
   It is hard to explain to a 3 year old why I married Jarrad.  It is not something that is easily defined.  I don't think that Sam would understand "Because we 'get' each other."  No one knows me the way Jarrad does (ok, no other earthly being).  And no one gets him the way I do. 
   What did I tell my little boy that would shape the way he would approach all girls that he dates?  I told him that Mommy and Daddy talked a lot and liked the same things.  I told him that Mommy thought  (and still does) that Daddy was cute . . . er, handsome (because according to this 3 year old, "cute" is for girls) and that Daddy made Mommy feel like she was beautiful.  To which the little charmer in training replied, "Mommy, I think you are pretty!"
     Awwwww!
    This is what I tell him now.  What will I tell him in the future?  Not sure.  I am depending on God to give me the words to say that will resonate with my son.  But it will go something like this:
     She should be your best friend.  She should make you want to be a better person.  She should be godly and humble.  She should support you and call you out when you are a jerk so learn the art of a genuine apology (hint: it doesn't always require flowers). She should love you all the time; even though she may not like you all the time. She should want to hold your hand.  She should pray for you. She should listen to you  - even when you don't speak. 
     And for you, my son, be her best friend.  Make her want to be a better person when she is with you.  Be godly and humble.  Have your own interests but don't expect her to want to do those things.  However, she should be interested in hearing you talk about your interests.  Be interested in hers.  Defend her but know when to let her fight her own battles.  Don't try to control her but know how to call her out when she crosses the line.  Laugh with each other.  Pray with each other.  Hold each other.  Know that sex isn't so much about love as it is about trust - she is trusting you to do the right thing and to treat her as a treasure.  Listen to her - her spoken words and her "that is not what I meant" words.  Know that she will change her mind 3 or 4 times.  Help with the housework as it will mean more than flowers.   Let her grow as a person and grow with her.
   Watch your father, your grandfathers, the other men in your life.  See how they treat their wives.  See how your friends treat their girlfriends.  How your sister is treated.  Determine the value of my words.  Choose your dates with care.  Treat those girls with respect and require that they do the same for you (because NO ONE is going to hurt my baby boy - grrrrr!)
    If you do this, then one day, you will "get" a girl and she will "get" you and I will be very excited to welcome a wonderful young woman as your wife.