When I first had Emma, I was incredibly lonely. I think that there was a bit of post postpartum there too. But I had just stopped going to work, and was in the house BY MYSELF every day. Jarrad would come home from work and would have used up all of his words so that was no help. Emma liked to be held as - as all babies do - and cried. Holding stopped the crying, so I held. Eventually, I learned but in the mean time, I sat and read magazines while I held my child so she wouldn't wail.
In one of the parenting magazines that I read, the author talked of the importance of play groups. If you are a parent, you are probably going "Well, DUH!" And if you are not, but want to be, you will learn someday.
What really struck me was that the author said something along the lines of if you don't like the playgroup, find another. Or if you like some people and not others (personality, parenting philosophies, whatever the reason) that it was ok to go and make a new playgroup. It was about making connections.
There were a few ladies in my neighborhood who started a play group. I went to one - nice group but most of them had 2 or 3 kids and not newborns. It can make a difference. Eventually, from that group, came a smaller group, my group. There are 4 of us - 3 moms and 1 dad. We had a couple of others who would come to things but we were the consistent ones.
I am so grateful for that playgroup. I learned so much about how to parent. I didn't feel alone and when my kids were crazy, it was ok because the other kids were crazy too! They were (still are) my support group. I am a better parent because of them.
Support groups are incredibly important. BUT only if you can access them. When we were at Moss, we met every Monday with the counselor. She knew I was there on Mondays and she made a point of seeing the both of us - marriage counseling if you will since we now had this "third" person. She also met with Jarrad individually and Jarrad went to group.
Since we have been home, I have gone to 2 group sessions and I think Jarrad has been to 4, perhaps. Not good. Because as supportive as friends and family are (I am beating a dead horse but we have some AWESOME friends and family), when you talk about the stuff that goes along with paralysis, there is a level to which they can't go. We miss going to group simply because we can't get there. 1. It is about 45 min away and 2. It is at 1:30. I can't go because Jarrad needs to work and he can't go because he can't drive yet (and needs to work). I can't drive him because I need to be home for the bus.
So we miss out on the personal connection.
Enter the INTERNET. It is a great resource. I found a couple of blogs that I follow that have become my "group" and recently discovered a blog written by a (semi) local guy who is going through a lot of the stuff that Jarrad is - like HO.
This latest blog was a great discovery since this guy's situation is quite similar to Jarrad's. It also kind of inspired me to write more specifics about Jarrad's injury and what we do about it.
Expressing emotions are helpful - I get that from the female written blogs I read - they can help you feel not so alone but I don't want to forget the practical aspect of why I am keeping this blog - to maybe make someone else's journey a bit easier.
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