healing the paralyzed man

    I can't tell you how many times I have come to this entry, typed a bit and then left it.  I admit that when I come to this story in the kid's little Bible book, I pass over it.  It is hard to digest and wrap my head around.

Mark 2:1-12

Jesus Forgives and Heals a Paralyzed Man

2 A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. ² They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. ³ Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. ⁴ Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. ⁵ When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

⁶ Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, ⁷ “Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”
⁸ Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things? ⁹ Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? ¹⁰ But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the man, ¹¹ “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” ¹² He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!”

    When "the incident" first happened, a friend's son was taught this lesson in his Sunday school class.  On the way home, he asked her why God didn't heal Mr. Jarrad like he did in the Bible lesson.  How do you explain to a child that God has reasons for what he does and this was a miracle to demonstrate that he was the Son of God who could heal our spiritual self as well as the physical?  Sure you could say it like that but does that really explain anything? There is a difference between a pat answer and a soul deep understanding.
    I remember one Sunday when the pastor preached on this passage.  Maybe it was just me, but I kind of felt like the whole room went tense as he read the scripture.  He didn't mention us - the elephant in the room - and I will be honest, I don't remember much,  ok, anything of the sermon.  I kind of shut down- lost in my own contemplation of the passage and here is a post about it.  
    I am not a preacher.  And my thoughts are not always .... um... theological.  And I am writing this from the perspective of a believer to other believers; not as an apologetic for faith.
    I know that so many people prayed for Jarrad to get up and walk.  I know that some people were disappointed that it didn't happen.  Some would even say that they were (gasp!) angry at God.  By the way, it is ok to be angry with God.  He is big enough to take it.  I was angry with him.  It would be ridiculous if I weren't.  It would be ridiculous if Jarrad hadn't been.  So can you understand why this passage is hard to read?  If God has already forgiven us of our sins, then repairing Jarrad's spine would be a simple matter.  And how much more praise would God receive because of it?  Would He not be more glorified through the miraculous healing than through the continuation of Jarrad's paralysis?  How is Jarrad and our family suffering for the betterment of His purpose?  
    I don't think I am alone in this questioning.  Any loss or tragedy would inspire these questions. We all ask why and how.  How is the death of my child/spouse/friend going to make this world a better place?  How is losing my job going to further the gospel?  How is this accident, this cancer, this illness for good?  Why do we have to go through this?  What is God's purpose?
    And then, tonight, Jarrad read the story of Lazarus' death to the kids as I was washing up after dinner.  And for me, it kind of clicked.  Not saying that I like the click but. . . See, our time is not His time.  Ugh.  I do not like the idea but it is EVERYWHERE in scripture that what we want to happen is not always what should happen.  
    And Jarrad's accident isn't Christ making a point to the teachers of law or to anyone else. It is not because of some sin - well, other than we don't live in a perfect world. Thanks Adam and Eve!  This was life - as sucky as it can be at times.  We are never promised miracles.  We are never promised "a good life".  In fact, the opposite.  I don't know why we have this idea that we are protected from a sinful world.  A world where we are elite and above being "rained on".  We are alive and frankly, I don't see God as a micro -manager.  You know,free will would not be free will if He was.  So death, accidents, illness isn't something that He "does".  He doesn't "use" those things for His plan; He uses us.  All of us - anger, hope, frustration, determination - our actions and how we respond to life.  
     He forgave that man's sin and then He healed him to prove a point.  The point was made.   We have to ask ourselves, what point are we making about God through our own actions.