have no choice

     We are going home.  It is not going to be normal or perfect.  We are going to have more things to get used to and we need to relearn how to do stuff but it is HOME.  I am not sure how it will work and am very scared to go but I want to be at my house with my routine - whatever that is. 
     I have to keep pushing at the part of me that thinks everything will be normal.  I have to remind myself that I need to get 3 people up and ready in the morning in addition to myself.  I may not get a chance to shower so be kind if I start to stink!  Jarrad is worried that it will be too much but that is the way life is right now.  I don't have a choice. 
     When I was at rehab a few weeks ago, one of the CNA's said to me that I was amazing.  "Too many times, we have patients coming in the front door and wives or girlfriends going out the back."  I don't have a choice because I made a promise - for better or worse.  That is a promise I made because I love Jarrad and what is my love worth if I bail at the "worse" part.  What does it say about our society when we are in awe of someone who DOES NOT "head out the back" at the first sign of difficulty?  Of what value are our promises?  No wonder we have so many lawyers and contracts and prenups. 
   I have no choice because I couldn't live with myself if I left Jarrad -  not because I can't live with this disability but because I can't live WITHOUT him.  Life would be worse off if he weren't in my life.
     I used to get so irritated when I was single because it seemed like everyone was pushing marriage.  Like I couldn't live a full and fulfilling life without a man in it.  And then I moved south and met a southern gentleman.  When we were married, I got it.  What no one said to me.  What they should have said to me (I am a romantic, after all).  When you meet your soul mate, it is a gift.  There is really nothing that can describe it.  Well, actually there is but it is all cliche'.  A soul mate makes you a better person.  A soul mate knows you better than you know yourself.  He is your best friend.  You love them more than yourself but the line is blurred because he is a part of your self. 
     So, this stage will be tough.  But I know my husband.  He is determined and strong and stubborn and funny and so very, very impressive.

                                         Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,
                            it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
                           it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does              
                          not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects,
                         always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
                                                                                                 - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7