swim

     Every parent gives basic lessons.  One of them is in swimming.  Some will teach their children themselves.  Some will hire others to teach their children and some just throw their kids into the pool.  Our family hires someone.
    Sam started swim lessons this week.  We walked into the pool area and the first thing he says is, "Mommy, I learn to DIVE!"  Really?  Let's learn to float first, ok Buddy?
     Sam loves the water.  When we would take him to the local lake as a baby, he would crawl toward the water as fast as he could.  I have always known that he was a little fish since the first time I sat him in the tub and he flipped onto his belly so he could put his face in the water - and yes, it was deliberate.  How do I know?  Because he did it over and over and OVER.
    When he as under the supervision of a "responsible" adult (ahem, Grandpa) he went down the 2nd highest water slide at Great Wolf Lodge and then demanded "again!  again!"  Yes, this child loves water.  
     This is how the first swim lesson went: while the other kids are tentatively just putting their faces in the water to blow bubbles, my son is putting his entire body into the water.  While other kids sit on the top step and kick their feet, my son is under water on the bottom step.  He pretends to be a shark by going under the water and holding his hand on his head like a dorsal fin.  Sam made the life guard jump twice because he would go completely under the water at the bottom of the steps.  I had 2 moms look at me and say, "He's just not afraid of being under, is he?"
  
    And he is the only one who cried because he didn't want to leave the water.

    Maybe we should have saved the money and just thrown him in the pool . . .

    

teach my son

    "Mommy, why did you marry Daddy?"
     Sam asked from the back seat as we were driving home from the DMV.  For a minute, I was speechless.  It was a pointed and abstract thought question and not at all like my temper tantrum throwing three year old.  I have come to expect those kinds of questions from Emma but not yet from Sam.  It was so not tangible.
   It is hard to explain to a 3 year old why I married Jarrad.  It is not something that is easily defined.  I don't think that Sam would understand "Because we 'get' each other."  No one knows me the way Jarrad does (ok, no other earthly being).  And no one gets him the way I do. 
   What did I tell my little boy that would shape the way he would approach all girls that he dates?  I told him that Mommy and Daddy talked a lot and liked the same things.  I told him that Mommy thought  (and still does) that Daddy was cute . . . er, handsome (because according to this 3 year old, "cute" is for girls) and that Daddy made Mommy feel like she was beautiful.  To which the little charmer in training replied, "Mommy, I think you are pretty!"
     Awwwww!
    This is what I tell him now.  What will I tell him in the future?  Not sure.  I am depending on God to give me the words to say that will resonate with my son.  But it will go something like this:
     She should be your best friend.  She should make you want to be a better person.  She should be godly and humble.  She should support you and call you out when you are a jerk so learn the art of a genuine apology (hint: it doesn't always require flowers). She should love you all the time; even though she may not like you all the time. She should want to hold your hand.  She should pray for you. She should listen to you  - even when you don't speak. 
     And for you, my son, be her best friend.  Make her want to be a better person when she is with you.  Be godly and humble.  Have your own interests but don't expect her to want to do those things.  However, she should be interested in hearing you talk about your interests.  Be interested in hers.  Defend her but know when to let her fight her own battles.  Don't try to control her but know how to call her out when she crosses the line.  Laugh with each other.  Pray with each other.  Hold each other.  Know that sex isn't so much about love as it is about trust - she is trusting you to do the right thing and to treat her as a treasure.  Listen to her - her spoken words and her "that is not what I meant" words.  Know that she will change her mind 3 or 4 times.  Help with the housework as it will mean more than flowers.   Let her grow as a person and grow with her.
   Watch your father, your grandfathers, the other men in your life.  See how they treat their wives.  See how your friends treat their girlfriends.  How your sister is treated.  Determine the value of my words.  Choose your dates with care.  Treat those girls with respect and require that they do the same for you (because NO ONE is going to hurt my baby boy - grrrrr!)
    If you do this, then one day, you will "get" a girl and she will "get" you and I will be very excited to welcome a wonderful young woman as your wife. 
   

grippers: the other helpful tools

    As you may have remembered from this post perspective  (oh, I just learned how to do the link thing so I hope I did it right!), sometimes you need a little help when you no longer have the height.   Enter our friendly helpers:

Grippers.  

     Honestly, I am not sure how we lived without these before "THE FALL".  And now, they help Jarrad get to things that he needs as well.  

   Things such as cereal.  We never used to have a lot of cereal in our house simply because Jarrad didn't eat it a lot (and then he discovered Lactaid and now he eats it all the time) and also because I wanted to give the kids something more filling 

     BUT:

     When you are trying to get 4 people out the door. . . you go with what is easy - enter frozen waffles, raisin bread and cereal. 

    Our cereal has always been on top of the fridge.  And I am slowly moving things around so Jarrad can access things but with laundry and doctors trips and everything, it is a slow process.   

    So this is where the cereal is.  And Jarrad can get them down (back up, hmmmm . . .  however that has nothing to do with his being in a chair) all thanks to the long gripper on the right.  He ordered it from Amazon.  It has thick, rubber grippers that hold great - I even use it to get jars of jam down in the laundry room (more later on that).

    When we got home, we had home therapy.  The OT suggested that we put a gripper in every room - we haven't done that yet but I can see why that would be a good idea.  Our long gripper hangs on the back of the pantry door.  Easy and convenient and we always know where it is! 

    Now, not all grippers are made the same.  We have had 3 different kinds.  The green ones were bought (by Jarrad - he did his research) from Amazon - yeah customer reviews - and the blue one from Target.  We love the Amazon ones, the Target one not so much.   The short one stays in our bedroom.  Again, sturdy, thick rubber gripps on it.  This is used to grab the chair from its corner and helps get shoes on and off (the angled head is perfect for that).  The HO makes bending his hips, well, hard doesn't even begin to describe it.  So this and the long handled shoe horn stay by his side of the bed and assist with shoes and grabbing things that are close by.                 The poor little blue gripper.  Ahhh, I had such high hopes for this one.   Looks great - it folds in half and the head turns (so does the kitchen gripper) and it was a good 10.00 cheaper than the other 2 were.  It has suction cups so you think it would hold . . . We bought 2 of these.  On one, a suction cup fell off. and sometimes the "locking" mechanism that was supposed to hold it didn't work.  One went in the trash and the other went to work just in case he needs it there.  I wouldn't buy those again - just my opinion.  

    In conclusion, I think grippers are great and every house should have one - not just houses that have wheel chairs.  I love using it myself.  

Side note:  Jarrad's flexibility has really improved!  We are so encouraged by that! 

    

Valentine

    Dear Jarrad,
          There is a fairy tale called "The Goose Girl at the Well."  It is about 3 princesses who are asked by their rather spoiled father how much they love him.  The first says something like "I love you more than sugar."  The second, "I love you more than my finest dresses."  The 3rd says simply "I love you." 
    The story goes on to say that the youngest's answer so enraged her father that he threw her out.  He did not understand that her love for her father had no comparison.  And thus, there was nothing that could be greater.

    I love you.


                                                                                                           Love,

                                                                                                       Belinda

   

To read the fairy tale:

http://www.familymanagement.com/literacy/grimms/grimms128.html

(And yes, this is also the plot line for King Lear)

thoughts inspired by love songs

 

    I don't like buying cards.  First, they are expensive and I think, "I could just send that person $5.00".  But I never send the fiver and as much as I complain over the price of cards, I like to get them so I am sure that others do too. Ever read Donald Duck and The Magic Mailbox?  I like to think that my mailbox is magic (sometimes evil magic because of the bills. . .)
   The second reason is because I always want to say the perfect thing.  That is not an easy thing to do and I agonize over it way too much.
     Jarrad, on the other hand, can always find the perfect card.  Maybe because he spends about 10 times longer looking at cards than I do.  So I am pretty sure that on Valentine's Day, I will get a card that makes me cry.  (No pressure Honey!)
    Have you heard the Justin Bieber song "As Long As You Love Me?"  No?  Look it up on YouTube.  The version I saw was very melodramatic.  The song itself is good but these words sung by this. . .this child lack the depth that someone who is older and has more experience with LIFE would give the words (and the music video just makes it ridiculous).  I guess it is targeted to adolescent, starry eyed girls but really, the words are better than that.
   Don't get me wrong, I would never tell a young person that they don't know what love is; they do.  As far as their life experience goes, they do.  BUT they don't understand the depth of love that I do - just as I don't understand the depth of love that my parents have or that my grandparents have.  That's why for a teenie bopper to sing something such as: "As you love me we could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke, As long as you love me." rings false because they have absolutely no clue.  
     I remember a former babysitter moved out of her folk's home into an apartment even though she knew her boyfriend was going to ask her to marry him.  Why not save the money?  Because she wanted to have some experience living on her own first.  For better or for worse.  In sickness or in health.  Those are words that aren't taken seriously.  How can they be when you have always been taken care of and don't really understand the taking care of part?  
    The kind of love that cards talk about on Valentine's Day, the kind of love that most songs sing about is the love that is inspired by marriage vows.  That love roots deeper with every passing day; it says even in the midst of the for worse part, that you would do it all over again. That is the love that "older" folks mean when they say, "You don't know what love is."  
    Love is not a something you fall into, it is something that you grow into.  If you "fall out of love" then I don't think you really understood it in the first place. 

   

adaptive equipement review

     Do you know what a sliding board is?  Or you may know it as a  transfer board.  It is what the name implies  - a board used to transfer a person from place to place. Most paraplegics use this device when they are gaining strength.  At some point, they will stop using the board because it is quicker to just lift and swing their bodies to whatever surface they need to be on. 
    Transferring doesn't happen a lot.  I mean, you have your seat right there so why would you need to move to a chair?  But when it does, safety is important.  However, just because you are using a board doesn't mean that the chair won't slip and you won't fall. 

 
     At our house we have 3 sliding boards and some accessories.  There are a lot more - google "transfer board" and see what comes up - some are really strange looking.  The white board on the right is called a beasy board.  Friends of ours bought it for us.  Actually, I don't know who did (although, I have my suspicions) but they bought it because I was helping transfer Jarrad and supposedly, this was going to make it easier on both of us.  It did and didn't.  It was great if I lifted Jarrad up, placed him on the round disc and then I could slide him over lift his hip again, and pull the board out.  The problem was getting the disc under him.  I think that this is a tool that requires some practice and skill to use.  We used it when he broke his leg. The leg needed special handling and this made it easier for him to transfer.  My vote - not very good for independent transfers.  It is more for the caretaker/spouse than for the person using it.  You can see different varieties here: http://beasyboards.com/ if you are interested. Still, it makes me feel better having it.
     The middle, wooden board is a standard transfer board.  Great for home.  About 24 inches long and 8 inches wide.  While Jarrad was transferring without it, until we get the spasms under control, he is more comfortable with it.
    The 3rd is a long transfer board that we keep in the car.  It is about 30 inches long and the extra inches make getting into the van so much easier.  If it were a level transfer, we probably wouldn't need the board.  The trip from therapy to home would have been so much easier if we had had this longer boards.  Still, we wouldn't have the fun stories of trying to get Jarrad in the car in the rain if we had had it!
   Sometimes, you need to cover the board to protect skin as you slide.  In therapy, they used a pillow case or towel.  Not ideal.  By cutting a pillow case in half length wise and sewing the open ends, I could get 2 custom cases that were better than the bulky towel or ill fitting pillow case.  Economical too.   
  Next, is that spongie shelf liner that is also sometimes used under carpets.  This is great as it kind of "grabs" the board and sticks it to a surface.  I would use this to help stabilize the board but later it can also be used on the lap to help things from sliding off said lap.  Not 100% but helpful.
   Side note:  Sliding boards also make good lap tables!  And Hot Wheel car ramps.    
    Need really is the mother of invention.  At some point, someone was faced with a problem so they figured out a way to solve the problem and it benefits others.  Pretty cool.
    Now, could someone figure out a way to solve the spinal cord injury problem soon, please?

and this is how we do it

***  Disclaimer ***

This blog does deal with bodily functions
Sooo
You have been warned
 

     When you loose the ability to walk, you loose pretty much all voluntary functions below the level of your injury - including that of voiding your bowels and bladder.  Which is my polite way of saying, you no longer control when or even how you pee and poop and that is probably the single worst thing about paralysis.  

     Jarrad absolutely hates this.  He always apologizes when there are accidents.  He is getting resigned but it still stinks (pun intended).  

     I went to a caretakers support group (I hate the term "caretaker" and one day, I will explain why but I am not his "caretaker", I am his WIFE.  My position and vow to that position did not change when he fell so please, do NOT call me his caretaker. End rant).  The meeting itself was cathartic.  I am not alone.  And there are things that can be done to make Jarrad even more independent.  I learned a lot by what was not said too.  One lady mentioned that one night her husband got up to cath and he fell out of his chair.  It got me to thinking that the way we were doing it was not the way that others do it.  I didn't ask because well, it just seems to private.  However, it is a basic bodily function that needs to be done so just in case - I am sharing how we handle it.  It might change in the future but for now, this is it.

NOTE : This has wheels - important detail

    When you are paralyzed, urination occurs through catheterization.  Essentially, a long straw is put into the urinary tract via the penis. Too much?  Well, we all go sooo. . .  Ideally, one would do this every 6 hours.  But nothing is ever ideal.  Sometimes, the 6th hour is not a good time so it is the 4th or 5th hour but hopefully never the 7th or 8th.  That is bad!  Oh, and the straw?  It is not long enough to reach the toilet from a wheel chair BUT you can get an extension to put on the straw - we just don't know where to go for that . . . SOMEONE is supposed to ask about it but . . . it is not high on the list of stuff to find out right now.

     Anyway, it is a process that takes about 2x as long as just hopping out of bed and going.  Forget about hoping in to a chair and then wheeling to the toilet.  When we first got home, I set up a tv tray with everything and then I would get up and hand him the iodine, lube, catheter, and urinal.  It was a process and neither of us was getting  much sleep.   
      I have a cart that I put all my cleaning supplies on in the laundry room and thought that might work as a rolling "cath cart" and bedside tray.  I got the cart at Target and put in 3 of the 4 "shelves".  The basket "hides" the q-tips, iodine, sterile wipes.  There is room for Jarrad to put a glass of water and anything else he might need.  There is also space for his 7 day, 4 times a day medicine organizer.  A small trash can on the next shelf, 2 urinals and catheters are next.  At first, I just laid the catheters down horizontally but that got messy very fast.  So I stood them up - good idea as I could put more on but they tended to bend over and didn't look nice.  What to do to hold them up? Cut out the bottom of a box?  Then light bulb moment (I am proud of myself here) I had purchased some plastic canvas for the kids to "sew" with and had an epiphany - a custom made holder.  I made the holder the length of the shelf and divided it in half - one half keeps the catheters upright and the other half has a bottom for whatever we want.  In this picture, it holds powder but we have since moved a tissue box there. 
    (And I have started a love affair with plastic canvas - SOOO many possibilities!!!)
    The bottom shelf holds extra trash bags and the bottom half of the catheters.  Now, we have a bedside "commode" for Jarrad.  I roll it (or he pulls it) next to the bed at night- so he can get use it when he needs to.  Urinals are emptied in the morning and rinsed.  It is convenient and everything is right there.  This is our system for now and it might change as we get stronger but for now, it works.