The last time I posted was in January. When I logged on today, I saw that there were 176 page views. FOR TODAY. And then, mid April, there were 172.
Weird. Very weird.
Every time I think about writing, I find something better to do. Laundry, work, pinterest. I think what it really comes down to is the fact that I don't want to. This blog started out being about my emotional journey with paralysis. And I don't want to have those emotions. I don't want to face them. I want to push them aside. I want to be "normal". But that is not the case.
I am not sure where this entry will go. I am not sure if anything concrete will come of this session of typing but I am going to post whatever I type because maybe I just need to write and that will help whatever block I have up.
It is easy to get lost in your emotions. To drown inside of yourself. My mantra for my family has been "what are the facts?" What proof is there to substantiate your emotions? I say this to myself as well as to those I love. Sometimes, there is something to the emotions and sometimes, there is diddly squat.
Sometimes, I live in my head too much.
Did you know that 40 years ago today was the end of the Vietnam War (or in Vietnam, the American War)? I listened to a story on NPR today that recounted how the last ones to leave were Marines via helicopter from the embassy. I started to cry as I imagined the scenario. I do that all the time. My imagination goes crazy that way. I imagine all sorts of scenarios and I make myself sad. That is part of the reason why I read Fantasy and avoid not happy books or shows. They are too real and I have enough reality in my life that my "escapism" needs to be truly fantastical.
I think I am done for now. Do me a favor, and if you read this, leave me a message. I want to know if the over 170 people are real or some kind of weird fluke.
