hot vs. cold

    I used to sleep with my feet outside the blankets -they were always hot.  In the morning, my side of the bed would always be twisted up; I hated to feel confined by my bedding.  Jarrad, however,  liked to have hospital corners on his side.  Then, we had kids and something changed.  My feet were like ice and I used Jarrad as a foot warmer.  THEN, IT happened and I wear socks to bed because my foot warmer is now always cold.
   This is a problem that is experienced by probably 99% of couples everywhere.  One likes to be warm, one likes to be cool.  And a zillion other bed and bedding preferences that also change as we get older or as events occur.
    This usually isn't a problem because if one person is cold, they can get up and get another blanket.  In our case, the person that was cold would take twice as long to get the blanket so the other person - who was just drifting off to sleep- would get up and get it.  Not because that person was kind but because that person would still not be able to sleep until the other person was settled.  So you can imagine that this person was not always gracious. 
    Since Jarrad was always cold at night, I thought I would trade out the light blanket for a fleece one.  He slept comfortably.  I roasted. 
   He jokingly suggested 2 twin blankets - a light weight one for me and a fleece one for him. 
   BRILLIANT MAN! 
   I went out and bought 2 twin blankets. 
   He was joking.  I think he is a genius. 
   In order to get around the too much overlap and bulk when making the bed, I cut off about 12 inches from each side, overlapped and sewed them together.  Since I was working with 2 very different materials, it may not look pretty but it makes one blanket big enough to cover a king size bed. 

     Now, ask me how I slept last night.
     That's right - I married a brilliant man! 

and other blogs

   When I first had Emma, I was incredibly lonely.  I think that there was a bit of post postpartum there too.  But I had just stopped going to work, and was in the house BY MYSELF every day.  Jarrad would come home from work and would have used up all of his words so that was no help.   Emma liked to be held as - as all babies do -  and cried. Holding stopped the crying, so I held.  Eventually, I learned but in the mean time, I sat and read magazines while I held my child so she wouldn't wail.
   In one of the parenting magazines that I read, the author talked of the importance of play groups.  If you are a parent, you are probably going "Well, DUH!"  And if you are not, but want to be, you will learn someday.
    What really struck me was that the author said something along the lines of if you don't like the playgroup, find another.  Or if you like some people and not others (personality, parenting philosophies, whatever the reason) that it was ok to go and make a new playgroup.  It was about making connections. 
   There were a few ladies in my neighborhood who started a play group.  I went to one - nice group but most of them had 2 or 3 kids and not newborns.  It can make a difference.  Eventually, from that group, came a smaller group, my group.  There are 4 of us - 3 moms and 1 dad.  We had a couple of others who would come to things but we were the consistent ones.
    I am so grateful for that playgroup.  I learned so much about how to parent.  I didn't feel alone and when my kids were crazy, it was ok because the other kids were crazy too! They were (still are) my support group.  I am a better parent because of them. 
    Support groups are incredibly important.  BUT only if you can access them.  When we were at Moss, we met every Monday with the counselor.  She knew I was there on Mondays and she made a point of seeing the both of us - marriage counseling if you will since we now had this "third" person.  She also met with Jarrad individually and Jarrad went to group.
   Since we have been home, I have gone to 2 group sessions and I think Jarrad has been to 4, perhaps.  Not good.  Because as supportive as friends and family are  (I am beating a dead horse but we have some AWESOME friends and family), when you talk about the stuff that goes along with paralysis, there is a level to which they can't go.  We miss going to group simply because we can't get there.  1.  It is about 45 min away and 2.  It is at 1:30.  I can't go because Jarrad needs to work and he can't go because he can't drive yet (and needs to work).  I can't drive him because I need to be home for the bus.
   So we miss out on the personal connection. 
   Enter the INTERNET.  It is a great resource.  I found a couple of blogs that I follow that have become my "group" and recently discovered a blog written by a (semi) local guy who is going through a lot of the stuff that Jarrad is - like HO. 
    This latest blog was a great discovery since this guy's situation is quite similar to Jarrad's.  It also kind of inspired me to write more specifics about Jarrad's injury and what we do about it. 
    Expressing emotions are helpful - I get that from the female written blogs I read - they can help you feel not so alone but I don't want to forget the practical aspect of why I am keeping this blog - to maybe make someone else's journey a bit easier. 

ARGH!

   I just want one thing to go smoothly from beginning to end - JUST ONE! 
   Ok, nothing to do with the chair, well, sort of, but not bad just pray for us and hopefully, I will be able to tell you about it soon. 
   I really want to post something positive - not just a positive spin! 
   Ok, done with screaming frustration. 



   For now . . . .

Lovely weekend

   This weekend has been lovely.  Sometimes you just need a bit of loveliness in your life - it gives life a glow and you a rest.  Saturday, Jarrad had a brew day with some friends and I walked Emma to a friend's house for a play date.  Friend's mom also happens to be my friend so while the girls played, we sat on the front porch, drank coffee and chatted.  Nice, nice way to start the weekend.  I am all about taking a day of rest which I define as a day to do something that makes you happy, feel relaxed or have a sense of accomplishment.  So, yeah!  Good start.
   I came home to see my son hanging out with the guys.  I took a minute to absorb the scene in front of me.  4 men, all intelligent, with integrity, compassion and kindness.  As I watched, I saw them talk to my son, let him handle a screw driver, touch his head, call him buddy. None of which they had to do.  And I thought I want this - every day, for my son.  I want him to be surrounded by men that he should grow up to be like.  I feel lucky.  And sad because it should be that way for every boy.  I am so happy my boy has it.  He had fun.  When it started to get a little hectic, I called him in to play with me but he had to keep checking on "the guys".
    "Hey Guys!  Whatcha doing?"
    "Hey Guys!  Do you need help?"
    "Hey Guys!  Do you want a fruit pop?"
    They are cool guys.
    Later, as the kids were getting ready for bed, Emma, who has had a very wiggly tooth asked me to pull it out.  1 . . . 2 . . . 3. . .  and out it came.  I know that there was a bit of pain but she did really well.  Into the Tooth Fairy pillow it went and there it stayed until 7:30 the next morning when she woke up and checked to see what the tooth fairy left her.

    Mommy fail.
    ARGH!
   "Mommy, why didn't the Tooth Fairy take my tooth?"
   "I don't know, Honey, let's try again tonight.  Maybe she was on vacation because it is the weekend."
    Crisis averted.
    UNTIL . . .
    "Mommy!  My tooth fell down the drain!"
   "How did that happen?"
   "I was washing it because I thought it might be too dirty and that was why the Tooth Fairy didn't come and it slipped."
    Comfort.  Comfort.  Finally happy and watching cartoons.
   Meanwhile, the Tooth Fairy has snuck in,  used her magic to fish out the errant tooth and left a note explaining that there had been a record number of teeth lost the day before (Junior Hockey League Tournament) and her assistant was had been sick with a tooth ache (of all things!) and so the Tooth Fairy had hoped that Emma had slept in but realized she was too late when she saw Emma washing her tooth.  But she had pulled it from the drain because Emma has very good teeth.
    Happy girl.
   Mommy save!
   Whoo hoo!
   Finally, to make this a truly lovely weekend. . . 
  We have been going to Sunday School.  I made the comment that I liked it because I got to sit next to Jarrad as opposed to church where I sit in the pew in front of him.  We sit in the back because, well, it was either there or the front and the front was too hard - special music and guests usually sat there so we would sometimes be with out a seat and Jarrad had to sit sideways and crane his neck.  Sitting in the back is so much better.
   Anyway, we sit in the back.  When the Sunday school teacher heard my comment, she was stricken.  It was not something she had thought about and she likes to sit next to her husband and why didn't we ever say anything and I should take that chair.  I smiled, shrugged and didn't take the chair.  She did.  Put it right in our "pew" and told the ushers it was to be there every Sunday for us.
     One of the 80 something ushers told me that as long as he was there, that chair would be there and I was not to put it away, he would take care of it.
    It was a little thing.  I missed sitting next to Jarrad. 
No one else had thought of it because, well, why should they?  But when it was brought to their attention, they almost seemed ashamed that they hadn't.
   I really liked sitting next to Jarrad in church.
   So nice.
  And to add the icing on the cake - went to lunch and made some new friends.  They were great with our kids - didn't care that they were rammy and played with them.  Talked to them.  We laughed and spent 2 hours in the restaurant.  Can you believe it?
    Happy, happy weekend!   
 
     

second year blues

    I like to think that I don't let "the situation" get me down.  I like to think that I don't go around bemoaning it.  I know that I lean (hard) on my friends sometimes.  I hope that most of the time it is for the normal stuff - nothing to do with the chair. 
    I like to think that. 
    But the truth is, I resent the chair sometimes.  I resent everything that comes with it.  I resent the fact that Jarrad is in pain and I can't do anything about it.  I resent not being able to do what we used to do.  I resent how much effort things take - it is almost like, why bother? 
    Last year, it was all physical.  Getting his strength up.  Learning what works for us physically.  Getting spasms under control.  Meds for the worst of the pains.  Getting systems in place.  Going back to work.  The floors, the bathroom - all physical needs for Jarrad were being addressed.
    I was tired.  So very tired.  I had lost 15 pounds last summer and gained 20 in the fall.   I was so tired that when I did sit down for the hour that he sat on the toilet, I stared around the house and said - I should do dishes, laundry, dust, vacuum and justified not doing it by eating because that meant that I could sit down.   That did nothing for my energy or mental health. 
    This year, for the both of us, it is a mental adjustment.  The emotional aspects seem harder.  He gets frustrated by what he can't do.   I get frustrated because he is.  I want him to see ways around the difficulties and figure out another way to do things.  He isn't there yet. 
    I feel like I have to be careful with what I say because I don't know if I am going to hurt him.  Sometimes, it is just a wince; a flash of pain.  Sometimes, he cracks a joke that is funny and sometimes it is just bitter.  Sometimes, he is ok with it and sometimes he throws his hands up and rolls away.  Sometimes, he figures it out but not often. 
   For me, it is hard to be always be the cheerleader.  I am still tired so I don't always notice when he puts the dishes in the dishwasher or bags up the trash or whatever chore is done.  Hey, that is pretty normal - all guys need pats on the head when they do something the their better halves do several times a day but I need to really pay attention now because it takes more time and effort on his part.  And I am not always good at it but he really needs it and it is just one more thing that I need to do.  It's not that I don't want to . . . just. . . I guess I am selfish. . . I don't know. . .
   Tomorrow will be a better day.