It has been over three years since Jarrad was paralyzed. Most folks who know us - know our story but there are always new comers to our lives who don't. It makes for some awkward moments. I mean, how do you bring it up to new coworkers that your husband is paralyzed? How do you explain the answer to an innocent questions like - Have you gone/been? Do you? Why don't you? I could say yes (or no), but then there are the follow ups to that response and another question and, well, the list goes on. My husband is paralyzed doesn't naturally come up in conversation.
Most folks take it in stride - after you see it register on them. It is actually quite interesting as you can see the thoughts being processed. Sometimes, that is all there is but eventually, there are questions. I never mind answering them. I was, am (?) a teacher. I believe in answering inquiry.
And eventually, the comments come about how brave, strong, devoted, fill-in-the-blank-compliment I am. I say thank you and then I have always answered, I love him.
The answer is so simple. I love him. The end. That is all I need; that we need to handle all of the complications that come along with wheels.
But as I thought about my answer, I realized that I was wrong. I did not come to this conclusion on my own. I belong to a fabulous online support group. It is an amazing group of women who all have men who are wheelers. And as I read the various threads, it dawned on me that it doesn't matter how much I love Jarrad. I could love him with all of my heart but if he didn't love me; if he didn't try as hard as he could, my love wouldn't be enough for our family.
A marriage is not about one person carrying the other it is about working together. I tried it. For a measly 2 months, I tried to be enough. It broke me. I couldn't be like some women who try for years and years - I am a pansy! It is exhausting trying to be more than enough for everyone. And when I told Jarrad I couldn't do it, he stepped up because that is what you do when you love someone. He loves me as much as I love him; otherwise we couldn't do this. "This" is hard enough. "This" is extra expense, extra time, extra pain, extra patience, extra grief, extra disappointment.
We still fight, we still have "I don't like you very much right now" moments. He is still (at times) a jerk but then so am I. But he is here for me and the kids. He is involved.
Yes, I love him so I am staying but he loves me so that I can stay and love him and not resent "this".
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