A couple of weeks ago, as I was getting my brood ready for church, there was a knock on the door. A small boy stood on the porch. Spotless white shirt and a tie just a little too big and just a little crooked. He looked a me and glanced back at his dad who gave him a nod and asked me if I believed the answers to the universe could be found in philosophy, nature or religion. I bit back my answer that I did not believe that they were mutually exclusive because I was not going to do that to a 1st grader. I listened to him finish his speech and took the pamphlet because all it cost me was a few minutes of my time. And his presence shamed me - just a little.
I am not overt about my faith. I like to think that folks know where I stand. I like to think that I am not seen as a hypocrite - I swear and I have the occasional drink. I gossip. I do all the things I shouldn't do. Despite that, I hope I am not a total failure in the faith department. I do know that I have been pondering writing this for a long time.
It is not that I don't want to talk about it: it is that I am afraid that I am going to get it wrong. That I am going to screw up.
But fear is a sin.
No, not fear. The allowance of fear to take the place of faith. If I have faith, then God will use my faith and speak through me. If I have fear, then fear will prohibit me from speaking when I should and thus, I have sinned against my God.
My dad said that sin is basically knowing what is right and not doing it. This mind set means that we sin all the time as well as alludes to a knowledge that we all have a knowledge of what is right.
Example: There is a social acceptance that to litter is wrong. To do so damages the earth that we live in and makes it ugly to look at. It is in defiance to the idea that we are stewards of this earth. You throw litter out the window = sin. However, if knowing what is right and not doing the right thing is a sin, then if you walk by litter - not yours - and don't pick it up, that too is a sin. Because the right thing to do would be to pick it up and throw it away
This sounds simplistic but it speaks to the heart of Psalm 51:5 - "For I was born a sinner--yes, from the moment my mother conceived me." Do babies sin? No. But that is not the point, the point is that we are not sinless because every day we know the right thing and don't do it. I would even go so far as to say that we are born knowing what is right but our selfishness and sometimes self preservation prevents us from doing what is right.
Doubtful? Have you ever blamed your sibling for what you did? It happens and young too. See, even at 3, we know the right thing is to "own up" to what we did BUT self preservation kicks in and we lie EVEN though we know that we will get our sibling in trouble. We KNOW it is wrong. Hence, sin.
Sin is an ugly word. No one wants to be a sinner. We all believe that we are "good people". We want to be good people. We want to do the right thing. Now, keep in mind our definition of sin. Knowing what is right and not doing it. Not as ugly? The "right thing" is to do countless little things but we don't do them because of countless little reasons. The point is that no matter how we try we will never be sinless or a truly "good person" because even "good people" walk by the litter or don't stop to take the stray kitten to the shelter or whatever.
Then what is the point then? Let anarchism rule!
The point is to be better. So you don't pick up the litter today - you do it tomorrow. But even doing it tomorrow does not take the place of faith. Faith is the idea that there is something/someone out there that is bigger and more just than self. Faith says that there is a purpose. There is a reason to be better.
I know some say that they want to believe but can't - I guess because there is no evidence. For me, I can't not believe (I'll discuss evidence later). The idea of no God is terrifying to me. Without God, there is no purpose; no reason for being here. I choose to believe in the specificity of the universe; not the random joining of molecules.
Do I believe that God had a purpose for Jarrad's paralysis? No, not really. I believe that it is the result of an imperfect world - a sinful one. Purpose is bigger than small, albeit life changing, incidents. I have said it before, it is how we handle the imperfect world that is important. I want my handling of all of it to be worthy of the God I believe in. That is the purpose of life. That is the purpose of my faith. I will not get it right. I will fail. But I will do better tomorrow. And I will stumble the day after that. And the next day, maybe I will catch myself before I fall flat on my face and then, keep going.
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