joy

    Today I was blessed with another niece.  My sister and brother in law chose her middle name to be Joy.  When I heard it, I cried. 
    That and the fact that she was breathing on her own. 
    This has been a roller coaster ride.  Down - something is wrong - more tests.  Up - spinal cord looks great!  Down - we don't like this and this -  more tests.  Up - not Down's Syndrome.  DOWN . . .DOwn. . . down. 
    So now, we get a little up. 
    Mom sent me a picture - I tried to download it so that I could show you how beautiful she is. 
    Yeah.  Didn't happen.
   I have been a bundle of nerves - still am as we wait to hear about tests and what not - about everything.  Jarrad, the kids, all of it.  I am a bundle of sparking nerves.  I have to whip myself back from snapping at all the innocents around me (albeit, they are pretty clueless sometimes).  It does spark sometimes but fortunately, usually at people who aren't here (yea for government stupidity!). 
   I walked this morning at about 7:30 an hour or so before Aubrey was born.  It is a 20 minute walk and about 2 minutes in, I saw a ladder leaning against the side of a house - as high as ours.  My nerves sparked and HARD.  To stop myself from hysterically sobbing, I prayed.  For Jarrad, for Aubrey (aka Baby Whatsit), for her parents, for my parents, my kids, and myself.  Mostly myself - so that I wouldn't snap. 
   So when I heard Aubrey's middle name, I cried (again).  I know that her name is deliberate.
   Sometimes, you have to claim your joy.  You name it.  No matter how hard something is, no matter what you go through, you can claim joy.  Aubrey has been claimed as Joy.  Despite all the ups and downs, she is a Joy.  She is our joy.