Sometimes, it just hits me. Like when I read a blog about how someone did this awesome thing to their house and realize that if I want to do something awesome, I need to learn how to use a saw or whatever. I know I could but I have always hated round spinning blades being near my hands. Don't know why . . .
Maybe I am selling Jarrad and myself short. Who says that he can't use the round spinning blades?
Or when friends talk about their plans for the future. I used to make plans like that. Now, to plan is just, well, it just seems so overwhelming.
I just need to get out of my head for a while.
I want to be a good friend and be excited for my friends and their adventures. I want them to keep telling me about it and not "hide" it from me for fear of hurting my feelings because they aren't hurting me. I am just wistful. I told my mom last night that I needed something to look forward to and it hit me that last year, we had planned a trip to Great Wolf Lodge. Sam is always telling me that he is ready to go back. I think that Emma gets it. But poor Sam. I know that Jarrad hurts too but he doesn't say anything.
You know what really sucks? Depression. You try and try so very hard to have a good attitude but sometimes you are just overwhelmed with bad emotions. Like that stupid ladder on the house down the street. First - it just screams, "Hey! Rob this house!" Bonus - the house belongs to a cop so you get extra points!!! Second - it just hurts. Third, I want to knock it down and run away or maybe drag it into the pond. At least I no longer want to cry when I see it.
Anyway, the emotions. Stupid things. Is it too late to change my species to Vulcan? The bad emotions make it hard to do anything. No motivation. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep.
I read in my devotional about spiritual armour. My first thought was - YES! I need something between me and what I am feeling. But armour is not for hiding, it is for fighting and how do you fight when it is all you can do to get out of bed?
Praying for you, Bin. And yes, you CAN do it. You can learn how to do things...Mitch used to not be able to do one handy thing, now look at him! Youtube is a great thing:) And depression...yeah, it's not fun. At all. I have to constantly renew my mind with Scripture. I just wrote out some verses the other day and set them on the window ledge above my kitchen sink so they're right there in my face all day long. Just know you're not alone.
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