Thanksgiving

    Happy Thanksgiving.
    Growing up, my mom always had us share something for which we were thankful. I always hated (and dreaded) sharing because everything I shared, everything that I thought of sharing, always seemed so shallow.  Aren't we supposed to be thankful for something on the magnitude of that of the Pilgrims and their feast?  (For an interesting look on the history of this National holiday which also includes a commercialism aspect, look at this site http://www.scholastic.com/scholastic_thanksgiving/feast/)
   This year, we woke at 7:45 to children's laughter.  Apparently, at some point in the night (after Sam got in bed with us), Sam crawled into bed with Emma.  Breakfast was doughnuts and eggs, coffee and milk and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.  Stuffing the turkey and putting it in the oven for a 3 o'clock meal.  A good morning.  Relaxing, enjoyable.
    So why do I feel like crying?
    Maybe because this year, I get it. 
    I finally have something to be thankful for on that magnitude.  I finally understand why they chose to give thanks.  And a part of me desperately wishes that I still lived in uncomfortable ignorance.
   This holiday, is in essence, about celebrating survival. 
   I have been sitting here, trying to put into words what I mean.  Words do not express emotions.  We try; that is why we have poetry.  Words try but there is nothing that adequately describes when you reach that point where you have to pull from somewhere outside of you just to make it for one more day.  Nothing describes when you feel immense guilt and relief that that person next to you is not you.  Raw determination.  Laughter that shocks your senses because you shouldn't laugh now.  Joy at a normal day.
     I think about the Pilgrims being scared and determined but not having much of a choice.  I think of who and what they lost.  I think of their faith.
    We will celebrate.  We will survive and with God's help, we will thrive.
    Today, I will give thanks for today, for surviving.  Tomorrow is what it will be, but I can be grateful for today.  And that will help me with tomorrow.