post randomness

     For a bit today, I forgot.  For a bit last night, I forgot.  I got to pretend that Jarrad was at work while I took the kids to story time.  Sam pulled the fire alarm there and we all had to leave.  What do you do when they are red and RIGHT at the perfect height?
     Last night, 2 friends came over and we drank some wine and laughed.  I went to bed and slept the best I have in 4 weeks.
     Today is our 8 year anniversary.  The OT/PT folks overheard Jarrad say "Happy Anniversary" to me and on their lunch break bought me (us) flowers.  I cried.
     I have a scarf that a friend gave me from the "Warrior Women" line.  I have hung it on my book case to remind me to be strong. 
     I have so many  topics that I want to write about - faith, this past Sunday's sermon, crying, anxiety, fear, hope, thankfulness, friends.  They swirl around in my head and I sometimes want to be able to just talk and have it all typed out.
     My kids are in bed.  They are nuts.  Jarrad has lost a ton of weight.  He is so pale.  He can't cut his hair (our rule) until he can sit in a regular wheel chair so he is shaggy. It is cute.
     When I was first teaching, there was an incident with one of my students.  When I finally got her to tell me what was wrong, I said to her that we had to tell an adult.  She looked at me and said, "I did."  My response was, "No, a real one."  I am 35 and still not a real adult.  A real one would know what to do.  A real one still wouldn't be waiting to wake up.   
     I have been thinking a lot about my cousin who passed a few years ago.  More specifically, his wife.  I want to tell her how sorry I am.  How horrible it must have been to go through all of that with him.  To be so confused and to have to experience the highs and lows that they went through.
      I am so grateful and so scared all at the same time.  Scared is the wrong word.  Tired.  Fuzzy.  Very fuzzy.  Perhaps that is why I feel like I am dreaming.