bad dreams

    Mommy, I had a bad dream.
    I roll over and open the blankets.  A warm little body with cold feet will crawl in next to me.  If the body is my daughter, I will pull her in close as we snuggle.  If the body is my son, he curls up on his knees so I can rub his back.  After half an hour or so, I take them back to their beds and tuck them in.

    I asked Sammy what his bad dream was about.  It was about bad dragons.
    Did you chase them away?
    No,
    Did I chase them away?
    No.
    Did Daddy chase them away?
    Yes.
    If I have a bad dream, can I come sleep with you?
   Nooo (giggle).
   Why not?
   Because you sleep with Daddy!
   So that means I don't have bad dreams?
   Yes.

   Hmmm.
 
   When I was a child, I learned to change my dreams in that twilight of sleeping and waking.  Going to my parent's room was more trouble than it was worth.  First, I had to go down the dark stairs, through the dark living room and dark dinning room.  Then, my dad, who slept closest to the door would wake up with a loud "HUH?  WHO'S THAT?" After I crawled over his 6 foot frame to get in the middle, my mom - who is a snuggler - would wrap an arm around me and tell me to lay still (she and Emma are kindred spirits). And since I am a wiggler, I kind of felt claustrophobic.  The dream had to be really bad for me to leave the warmth and freedom of my bed to seek the comfort of my parents.  So I learned to alter my dreams while I was on the verge of waking.  I took control of the scary aspects and beat them up.
    But you can't do that with all dreams. 
    I remember one dream.  In it I am in the back of a car and Tony the Tiger was chasing it.  He was going to get me - you would think I wouldn't eat Frosted Flakes anymore.  Actually, I exorcise my dreams by tearing into those buggers!  I kept urging the driver to go faster but the driver kept telling me it was ok.  Nothing was out there.  And Tony kept getting closer.  It was the kind of dream where you wake up heart pounding, pulse racing and sweat dripping.  I know, it sounds ridiculous but that dream always had me jerking awake.  I could never alter it.  Probably because I woke up too suddenly.
    I don't have that dream anymore.  I know I have nightmares every so often.  Jarrad wakes me and tells me that I whimper.  He will ask me what they are about but I don't remember -even moments after I wake.  I guess that is the benefit to being an adult - the nightmares are in the waking world, so I don't have them to "live" them in my sleep. 
    "They" say that dreams are your subconscious dealing with things that you pushed aside during the day.  For example, when I had the Tony dream, it was me feeling like I had no control over my life and no one would listen to me.  Makes sense, I kind of felt that way as an adolescent.   I guess it also means that since I don't have many dreams anymore, I am dealing with my life and not pushing it away.  
    Or maybe it is because I feel safe.  I mean, my children are healthy and happy.  I have good family and friends and my heart sleeps next to me, ready to comfort me when I need it.