last year

     In a few days, we will reach our 1 year anniversary.  Right now, I am saying "last year at this time . . . " and on Sunday, I will be watching the clock and remembering what happened  "last year at this time". 
   At 2:00, I will be remembering adjusting the ladder.  Hearing my neighbor's shout and running to see.  Listening to him say call 911 and thinking why?  Just get up and I will take you in the car.  Waiting forever for the ambulance to arrive.
   So this year, I mourn the changes wrought by last year.  
   I don't want to be that person who only talks about "it".  I don't want these emotions; these memories.  I just want to get through this weekend.  To get beyond this year.  Next year, next year I won't have last year to remember. 
    Today, this was how I coped.  I gardened.  It is ironic that I do because as a kid, I hated it - according to my parents.  Actually, what I hated was the weeding.  All I remember doing is weeding - not the fun stuff of picking out the flowers and planting them.  So they are amazed when they see my flower beds.  My coping was to go and take pictures of the past 9 years of hard work and share it.  But when I stopped to take a picture of the blueberries, I was struck by all the potential, right there by the ramp.  Such a large sign that our world changed.  And there growing in huge amounts was potential. 
    A garden - so full of life and potential - can change a perspective.  And if it helps me to just get through this day, this part of "last year at this time".  I will take it.